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Mad Mother Sale

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Mad Mother Sale thanks to Wayne Nowazek

For times when the son forgets to use his brain

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Mother is a verb, not a noun. - Shonda Rhimes

Gin was mother's milk to her. - George Bernard Shaw

Don't get mad, get everything. - Ivana Trump

Leisure is the Mother of Philosophy. - Thomas Hobbes

In a mad world only the mad are sane. - Akira Kurosawa

Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover! - Homer Simpson

I'm not crazy. My mother had me tested. - Unknown

You trust your mother, but you cut the cards. - Unknown

Necessity, who is the mother of our invention. - Plato

My grandmother made dying her life's work. - Hugh Leonard

The best place to cry is on a mother's arms. - Jodi Picoult

A rich child often sits in a poor mother's lap. - Danish Proverb

You're not famous until my mother has heard of you. - Jay Leno

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh. - Jay Leno

Jesus was a Jew, yes, but only on his mother's side. - Archie Bunker

The titular head... that's the mother, ain't it? - Archie Bunker

Air pollution is turning Mother Nature prematurely gray. - Irv Kupcinet

Nothing is really lost until your Mom can't find it. - Unknown

Food, love, mother and career: the four basic guilt groups. - Cathy Guisewite

Ireland is a fruitful mother of genius, but a barren nurse. - Unknown

You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you mad. - Aldous Huxley

Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law. - Hubert Humphrey

A mother's arms are more comforting than anyone else's. - Princess Diana

My mom always said normal is just a cycle on the washing machine. - Wynonna Judd

Adam was the luckiest man in the world - he had no mother-in-law. - Sholom Aleichem

I'm so ugly my mother had morning sickness - AFTER I was born. - Rodney Dangerfield

I know enough to know that when you're in a pickle... call Mom. - Jennifer Garner

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad. - Salvador Dali

The story of a mother's life: trapped between a scream and a hug. - Cathy Guisewite

It's not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it. - Dorothy

My religious background is that my mother is a Christian Dior Scientist. - Robin Williams

New mother - they get a sense of waddya call, "the maternals." - Archie Bunker

Now, as always, the most automated appliance in a household is the mother. - Beverly Jones

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it. - Mark Twain

Necessity may be the mother of invention, but play is certainly the father. - Roger von Oech

The only mothers it is safe to forget on Mother's Day are the good ones. - Mignon McLaughlin

Mother love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible. - Marion C. Garretty

My mom used to say that Greek Easter was later because then you get stuff cheaper. - Amy Sedaris

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee. - Phyllis Diller

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance. - Tim Allen

Enthusiasm is the mother of effort, and without it nothing great was ever achieved. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

My mother is Irish, my father is black and Venezuelan, and me - I'm tan, I guess. - Mariah Carey

Middle Age is the awkward period when Father Time starts catching up with Mother Nature. - Harold Coffin

The Iron Curtain may be a thing of the past, but Mother Russia is as mysterious as ever. - Robert Gottlieb

The only place you’re sure to find love is at the end of a letter from your mother. - Bruce Lansky

I just wasn't cut out to be a Chinese Tiger Mom. I'm more of an Irish Setter Dad. - P.J. O'Rourke

My perspective on my mother has changed immensely. She was a lot taller when I was younger. - Howie Mandel

No matter how old a mother is, she watches her middle-aged children for signs of improvement. - Florida Scott-Maxwell

My mother had this amazing attitude in the face of everything, including when she got cancer. - Bill Clinton

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries

It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding. - Erma Bombeck

Sayin' grace - it's just thankin' Mother Nature, whose 1st name just happens to be Grace. - Archie Bunker

Your mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong, even though they say it's okay in the Bible. - Homer Simpson

I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in. - Henny Youngman

My mother always used to say, "The older you get, the better you get. Unless you're a banana." - Betty White

My mother always told me I wouldn't amount to anything because I procrastinate. I said, Just wait. - Judy Tenuta

Drunk Man: "I can't bear fools."
Dorothy Parker: "Apparently your mother could." - Dorothy Parker

I am one of those cliff-hanging Catholics. I don't believe in God, but I do believe that Mary was his mother. - Martin Sheen

It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months. - Phyllis Diller

When I moved out of my mom's house at 18 I was almost as sad to leave her sewing machine behind as anything else. - Beth Ditto

In Hollywood, you play a mom, and the next thing you know, you're on The Golden Girls. They age you so fast. - Gabrielle Union

In most homes, the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space. - Evan Esar

By embracing your mother wound as your yoga, you transform what has been a hindrance in your life into a teacher of the heart. - Phillip Moffitt

My son really has the spirit of Valentine's Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry. - Milton Berle

Or maybe spring is the season of love and fall the season of mad lust. Spring for flirting but fall for the untamed delicious wild thing. - Elizabeth Cohen

My mother was a reader, and she read to us. She read us Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde when I was six and my brother was eight. I never forgot it. - Stephen King

When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child. - Sophia Loren

How shall a man escape from his ancestors, or draw off from his veins the black drop which he drew from his father’s or mother's life? - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Blind dates are treacherous. You don't know who this person is. You wonder, "Should I call my grandma during coffee to get out of this?" - Alan Alda

Chutzpa is that quality enshrined in a man who, having killed his mother and father, throws himself on the mercy of the court because he is an orphan. - Leo Rosten


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