#1 humor site on the 'net

Family Ties

Like father, like son

Family Ties thanks to Roy Taylor

DNA tests are NOT required

Family Ties thanks to Roy Taylor

Family Ties thanks to Roy Taylor

Family Ties thanks to Roy Taylor

Family Ties thanks to Roy Taylor

Family Ties thanks to Roy Taylor

Family Ties thanks to Roy Taylor

Family Ties thanks to Roy Taylor

Family Ties thanks to Roy Taylor

Family Ties thanks to Roy Taylor

Family Ties thanks to Roy Taylor

Family Ties thanks to Roy Taylor

QuotaBills
Ancestry is a hereditary condition. - Unknown

Our ancestors ... were laborers, not lawyers. - Thomas Jefferson

Aren't most of you descended from pirates? - Prince Philip

Take it from me, parents just don't understand. - Will Smith

The presidency is temporary, but the family is permanent. - Yvonne de Gaulle

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women. - WC Fields

The one thing children wear out faster than shoes is parents. - John J. Plomp

I know love at first sight can work. It happened to my parents. - George Clooney

Making the family a top priority will invariably bring success. - Zig Ziglar

You can't choose your ancestors, and neither can your descendants. - Unknown

I come from an Irish Catholic family, and hell-raising is part of the DNA. - Brian Dennehy

Those who inherit fortunes are often more troublesome than those who make them. - African Saying

It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man. - H L Mencken

To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent. - Dave Barry

Conventions are like coins, an easy way of dealing with the commerce of relations. - Freya Stark

A strong conviction that something must be done is the parent of many bad measures. - Daniel Webster

Times are bad. Children no longer obey their parents, and everyone is writing a book. - Cicero

No man can cause more grief than one clinging blindly to the voices of his ancestors. - William Faulkner

The common traits among all successful people are desire, determination and confidence. - Joe Segal

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going. - George Carlin

I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married. - Lewis Grizzard

You leave home to seek your fortune and, when you get it, you go home and share it with your family. - Anita Baker

All his successors gone before him have done’t; and all his ancestors that come after him may. - William Shakespeare

The first who was king was a fortunate soldier: Who serves his country well has no need of ancestors. - Voltaire

If a child, a spouse, a life partner, or a parent depends on you and your income, you need life insurance. - Suze Orman

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going. - Phyllis Diller

Family, religion, friendship... these are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. - Mr. Burns

I don't think he's gonna come Edith. He just ain't got none of that, waddya call, family unconscious. - Archie Bunker

The man who has nothing to boast of but his illustrious ancestry is like the potato - the best part under ground. - Thomas Overbury

Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one. - Jane Howard

The family, that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor in our innermost hearts never quite wish to. - Dodie Smith

We split from our common ancestor with the octopus half a billion years ago. And yet, you can make friends with an octopus. - Sy Montgomery

Children despise their parents until the age of forty, when they suddenly become just like them, thus preserving the system. - Quentin Crewe

We are all omnibuses in which our ancestors ride, and every now and then one of them sticks his head out and embarrasses us. - Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.

The longer we live the more we think and the higher the value we put on friendship and tenderness towards parents and friends. - Samuel Johnson

The family should be a place where each new human being can have an early atmosphere conducive to the development of constructive creativity. - Edith Schaeffer

A man finds room in the few square inches of the face for the traits of all his ancestors; for the expression of all his history, and his wants. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Our ancestors believed in magic, prayers, trickery, browbeating and bullying. I think it would be fair to sum that up as 'Irish politics'. - Flann O'Brien

I can't help detesting my relations. I suppose it comes from the fact that none of us can stand other people having the same faults as ourselves. - Oscar Wilde

Relations are simply a tedious pack of people, who haven't got the remotest knowledge of how to live, nor the smallest instinct about when to die. - Oscar Wilde


Gene Lifeguard

Portable Shower

Cut-Off Deadline

Kid Disposal

Racing a 'Hot Rod'

Why Elk Have Long Antlers

Biting Shoes

Romanian Auto Safety

New Player

Hoser

Garden Gnome

Hotel Waterfall

Security Guard

Real FootBall

Burger King Street

SkeleChair

Eating Kaka

Dark Side Bus Stop

Escher Stairs

Dog Hair Coffee

Round Table

Mt. Rushmore from the Canadian Side

WinDoor

Welcome Doorknob