#1 humor site on the 'net

Diet Swing

When you know it's time to go on a diet

Diet Swing thanks to Wayne Nowazek

Bubba lowers the bar

QuotaBills
The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil

Laughter is by definition healthy. - Doris Lessing

Diets are mainly food for thought. - N Wylie Jones

Americans like fat books and thin women. - Russell Baker

Smoking cures weight problems... eventually. - Steven Wright

In skating over thin ice our safety is in our speed. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura

A balanced diet is a Cracker Jack cookie in each hand. - Joe-kster

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. - Tommy Cooper

If you ignore your health for long enough, it'll go away. - Unknown

There is no curing a sick man who believes himself to be in health. - Henri Amiel

If you're already walking on thin ice, you might as well dance. - Proverb

The key to a healthy lawn is to take care of what happens below ground. - Mike Bechtle

Nobody likes insurance companies, especially health insurance companies. - P.J. O'Rourke

One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love. - Sophocles

One of the major goals of health insurance reform is to bring down the cost. - Valerie Jarrett

Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham

You can't lose weight by talking about it. You have to keep your mouth shut. - Old Farmer's Almanac

The best doctors in the world are Doctor Diet, Doctor Quiet, and Doctor Merryman. - Jonathan Swift

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. - Redd Foxx

But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi

Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. - Jim Davis

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. - Robert Orben

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt. - Erma Bombeck

Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison

I believe that how you feel is very important to how you look - that healthy equals beautiful. - Victoria Principal

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke

The key to a long and healthy marriage is that, honestly, there's nothing worth fighting about. - Jay Leno

Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said, "Cigarettes contain fat." - Dave Barry

Art is made to disturb. Science reassures. There is only one valuable thin in art: the thing you cannot explain. - Georges Braque

Give a man health and a course to steer, and he'll never stop to trouble about whether he's happy or not. - George Bernard Shaw

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

In neighborhoods without a usable park or playground, the incidence of childhood obesity increases by 29 percent. - Darell Hammond

When wealth is lost, nothing is lost. When health is lost, something is lost. When character is lost, all is lost. - Rev. Billy Graham

Tarry a moment to watch the chaos of a playground, crayola-colored shirts of running children, all trying out their wings. - Dr. SunWolf

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on. - Jean Kerr

I cannot but bless the memory of Julius Caesar, for the great esteem he expressed for fat men; and his aversion to lean ones. - David Hume

You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon

If you want your kids to listen to you, don't yell at them. Whisper. Make them lean in. My kids taught me that. I do it with adults now. - Mario Batali


Wedding Room Dress

Redneck TP

Big Bird Feeder

City Work Crew's Slow Day

Cow Trampoline

Suspicious Blood Donor

Friends In High Places

Hair Cut Toupee

Finger Physio

Texas Steak

Triathlete with a Drinking Problem

Awning Truck Advertising

Racial Profiling Starts Early

Your Move

Florida Bird Flu

Croc Surfing

Zip Tie Prank

Ukrainian Power Adaptor

World's Hardest Golf Shot

India Airlines Economy Flight

Downspout Planters

Camel Walkers

Head Path

Whiskey Jig