#1 humor site on the 'net

Diet Silverware

Planting a rose garden to lose weight and gain stress

Diet Silverware thanks to Muriel Baxter

Diet plans with cutlery included

QuotaBills
Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin

The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman

A balanced diet is chocolate in both hands. - Unknown

Smoking cures weight problems... eventually. - Steven Wright

Tears at times have all the weight of speech. - Ovid

Diets are for those who are thick and tired of it. - Unknown

Liam's like a man with a fork in a world of soup. - Noel Gallagher

Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura

If you ignore your health for long enough, it'll go away. - Unknown

Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid

I don't diet, I just don't eat as much as I'd like to. - Linda Evangelista

My metabolism stinks. I can gain weight just listening to dinner music. - Ron Dentinger

One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love. - Sophocles

I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks. - Totie Fields

The louder he talked of his honesty, the quicker we counted the silverware. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

No disease that can be treated by diet should be treated by any other means. - Maimonides

I gotta lose weight, Edith. I hope you remembered my diuretic cottage cheese. - Archie Bunker

In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero

You can't lose weight by talking about it. You have to keep your mouth shut. - Old Farmer's Almanac

But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi

Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie. - Jim Davis

Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker

Cheerfulness is the best promoter of health and is as friendly to the mind as to the body. - Joseph Addison

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it. - Jackie Gleason

If you're not paying for it through the health plan, you pay for it in the emergency room. - David Lehman

If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. - P.J. O'Rourke

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond. - Mae West

I figure if I have my health, can pay the rent and I have my friends, I call it "content." - Lauren Bacall

What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith

A life coach does for the rest of your life what a personal trainer does for your health and fitness. - Elaine MacDonald

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman

Nobody can fail to lose weight in the jungle, unless they've got a secret stash of pork pies somewhere. - Colin Baker

A healthy male adult bore consumes each year one and a half times his own weight in other people's patience. - John Updike

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. These are the secrets of happiness and good health. - Julia Child

America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight. - Unknown

Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden

You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? - George Carlin


Biggest Turkeys

Geezer Crossing

How to Twerk at Work

Scooter Hearse

Fast Type

Aussie Porsche

Redneck Plane Repair

Wine Time

Smart Fortune Cookie

Menopause Sucks

Baguetti

We Are All Tied Together

Shopping-ish

Going For A Walk

Fell Years Ago

No Pot Of Gold

Krispy Kreme Waffles

Organic Pears

Hungry For Justice

Relationsheep

Quotes Matter

Latest Cell Phone

Sled Dog

Stratus Sphere