#1 humor site on the 'net

Crash Course in Texas Weather

The Four Seasons y'all remember

Crash Course in Texas Weather thanks to Keith Blake

Your choice between dry, arid, humid, sticky, hot or hotter

QuotaBills
Women hold up half the sky. - Mao Zedong

Manners are love in a cool climate. - Quentin Crisp

Grey skies are just clouds passing over. - Duke Ellington

Knock on the sky and listen to the sound. - Zen Saying

Cursing the weather is never good farming. - English Proverb

Try to be a rainbow in someone's cloud. - Maya Angelou

Climate is what we expect. Weather is what we get. - Mark Twain

An end is in sight to the severe weather shortage. - Ian Macaskill

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. - Mark Twain

I'm super laid back. I'm from Texas. I love my family. - Selena Gomez

He who has the property in the soil has the same up in the sky. - Latin Proverb

It is best to read the weather forecasts before we pray for rain. - Mark Twain

You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows. - Bob Dylan

Conversation about the weather is the last refuge of the unimaginative. - Oscar Wilde

Work and pray, live on hay, you'll get pie in the sky when you die. - Joe Hill

News events are like Texas weather. If you don't like it, wait a minute. - Jessica Savitch

I suppose the best kind of spring morning is the best weather God has to offer. - Dodie Smith

It is only in sorrow bad weather masters us; in joy we face the storm and defy it. - Amelia Barr

How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design? - Kinky Friedman

Being from Texas, I would say I favor a pair of jeans you can wear some boots with. - Jensen Ackles

I don't make plans, because life is short and unpredictable - much like the weather. - Al Roker

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining. - Groucho Marx

I thought I knew Texas pretty well, but I had no notion of its size until I campaigned it. - Ann Richards

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright

I think the genetics of being Irish are that you sort of prefer when it's rainy and cloudy. - Kate Flannery

I'm from Texas, and one of the reasons I like Texas is because there's no one in control. - Willie Nelson

Bond reflected that good Americans were fine people and that most of them seemed to come from Texas. - Ian Fleming

I don't think I'm a celebrity. I'm just a guy from east Texas who loves cars and airplanes. - Carroll Shelby

When I make a vow to God, then I would suggest to you that's even stronger than a handshake in Texas. - Rick Perry

A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain. - Robert Frost

I keep looking for one more teacher, only to find that fish learn from the water and birds learn from the sky. - Mark Nepo

You can take the girl out of Texas but not the Texas out of the girl and ultimately not the girl out of Texas. - Janine Turner

There are a zillion variables to a hamburger. What part of the animal went into it. What coarseness. What temperature. - Danny Meyer

Life is no different than the weather. Not only is it unpredictable, but it shows us a new perspective of the world every day. - Suzy Kassem

Don't knock the weather. Nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while. - Kin Hubbard

The tropical rain forests are a telling example. Once cut down, they rarely recover. Rainfall drops, deserts spread, the climate warms. - James Lovelock

Never design your character like a garden where anyone can walk. Design your character like the sky where everyone's desire is to reach. - Unknown

Iron rusts from disuse; stagnant water loses its purity and in cold weather becomes frozen; even so does inaction sap the vigor of the mind. - Leonardo da Vinci

I had fried octopus last night. You have to be really quiet when you eat it. Otherwise, it emits a cloud of black smoke and falls on the floor. - Steven Wright

NBC News just called it "The Great Freeze" - coldest weather in years. Is our country still spending money on the global warming hoax? - Donald Trump


Designer Lamp

Scottish Road Sign

Too Late Now

How Paper Beats Rock

Joburg Police

Behind Curtain Number One

One More Drop

Changing Priorities

Made His Bed

Dog Sled

Only In Canada - Nosey Moose

Camper Tank

Plane Pushers

Wise Electricity Use

Critter Control

Redneck Ice Fishing

Skeletons In The Closet

Captive Audience Twins

Brew Table

Nailed It Baby

Water Supply

Holding His Own Portraits

Hawaii Scuba Bus

Chicken Pie