#1 humor site on the 'net

Walk Sign Timing

The hazards of vertical electronic traffic lights

Walk Sign Timing thanks to Mel Hardman

Stepping up to a new green light cycle

QuotaBills
Life is too short for traffic. - Dan Bellack

A riot is the language of the unheard. - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Stand up and walk out of your history. - Phil McGraw

All know the way, few actually walk it. - Bodhidharma

Would a fly without wings be called a walk? - George Carlin

There are no traffic jams on the extra mile. - Zig Ziglar

Some people walk in the rain, others just get wet. - Roger Miller

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines. - David Letterman

Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing. - Robert Benchley

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. - Steven Wright

Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance. - Unknown

A chip on the shoulder is a sure sign of wood higher up. - Brigham Young

Take a walk with a turtle. And behold the world in pause. - Bruce Feiler

One may walk over the highest mountain one step at a time. - John Wanamaker

She died doing what she loved, taking a selfie in traffic. - Unknown

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign? - George Carlin

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. - Lily Tomlin

The beaten path is the safest, but the traffic's terrible. - Jeff Taylor

We need a president who's fluent in at least one language. - Buck Henry

There is no language like the Irish for soothing and quieting. - John Millington Synge

Think like a wise man but communicate in the language of the people. - William Butler Yeats

England and America are two countries separated by a common language. - George Bernard Shaw

The bodies in my floor all trusted someone. Now I walk on them to tea. - Victoria Schwab

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. - Mark Twain

A great many people think that polysyllables are a sign of intelligence. - Barbara Walters

Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic. - Dan Rather

A sign of celebrity is that his name is often worth more than his services. - Daniel J. Boorstin

It is better to have ten skeletons in your closet, than walk with no bones. - Anthony Liccione

Music is the only language in which you cannot say a mean or sarcastic thing. - John Erskine

My feet will want to walk to where you are sleeping, but I shall go on living. - Pablo Neruda

I got something important here to read and sign and I gotta consecrate on that. - Archie Bunker

If you're not failing now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe. - Woody Allen

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die. - Mel Brooks

Never give advice unless you have walked the walk, because anybody can talk the talk. - Valencia Mackie

We really have everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, language. - Oscar Wilde

Great literature is simply language charged with meaning to the utmost possible degree. - Ezra Pound

The miracle is not to fly in the air, or to walk on the water, but to walk on the earth. - Chinese Proverb

The church is close, but the road is icey. The tavern is far, but I will walk carefully. - Russian Proverb

Never make fun of someone who speaks broken English. It means they know another language. - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

I'm the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night... and reduce the crime rate. - Phyllis Diller

Don't get your knickers in a knot. Nothing is solved and it just makes you walk funny. - Kathryn Carpenter

A person's name is, to that person, the sweetest, most important sound in any language. - Dale Carnegie

The first man to use abusive language instead of his fists was the founder of civilization. - Sigmund Freud

Drama does not just walk into our lives. Either we create it, invite it, or associate with it. - Brandi L. Bates

Men are like linoleum floors. Lay 'em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years. - Betsy Salkind

German is the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747. - Willy Rushton

The heights charm us, but the steps do not; with the mountain in our view we love to walk the plains. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I got all the schooling any actress needs. That is, I learned to write well enough to sign contracts. - Hermione Gingold

Consultants are people who borrow your watch and tell you what time it is, then walk off with the watch. - Robert Townsend

If I lose, I'll walk away and never feel bad because I did all I could. There was nothing more to do. - Joe Frazier

A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who, however, has never learned how to walk forward. - Franklin D Roosevelt

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative. - Woody Allen

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative. - Woody Allen

Violence of language leads to violence of action. Angry men seldom fight if their tongues do not lead the fray. - Charles V Roman

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us. - Calvin

The longest word in the English language is the one following the phrase, "And now a word from our sponsor." - Hal Eaton

May you always walk in sunshine. May you never want for more. May Irish angels rest their wings right beside your door. - Irish Blessings

I'm not a car guy. The subway gets me where I need to go efficiently and cheaply, and I don't worry about traffic. - Joe Scarborough

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes. - Billy Connolly

Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend. - Albert Camus

If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart. - Nelson Mandela

No one has timing like Milton Berle. He has absolutely the finest timing of any comedian in the business. There's no one like him. - Sid Caesar

A man’s life is interesting primarily when he has failed – I well know. For it’s a sign that he tried to surpass himself. - Georges Clemenceau

Never design your character like a garden where anyone can walk. Design your character like the sky where everyone's desire is to reach. - Unknown

It was one of the most ancient terrors, the one that meant that no sooner had mankind learned to walk on two legs than it dropped to its knees. - Terry Pratchett

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the nursing home. - Dennis Miller

I remain convinced that obstinate addiction to ordinary language in our private thoughts is one of the main obstacles to progress in philosophy. - Bertrand Russell

Think while walking, walk while thinking, and let writing be but the light pause, as the body on a walk rests in contemplation of wide open spaces. - Frederic Gros

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. - Phyllis Diller

When I walk down the street in New York, the building constructor, the guy pounding cement and what not, will yell, "Hey, you hockey puck!" - Don Rickles


Lost House Keys

Leg Art

Strange Old Vehicles

Designer Lamp

Scottish Road Sign

Too Late Now

How Paper Beats Rock

Joburg Police

Behind Curtain Number One

One More Drop

Changing Priorities

Made His Bed

Dog Sled

Only In Canada - Nosey Moose

Camper Tank

Plane Pushers

Wise Electricity Use

Critter Control

Redneck Ice Fishing

Skeletons In The Closet

Captive Audience Twins

Brew Table

Nailed It Baby

Water Supply