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Racial Profiling Starts Early

Speeding tickets came naturally for Leroy

Racial Profiling Starts Early thanks to Barry McCartney

But I was just taking a ride in the park, officer...

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Thank God kids never mean well. - Lily Tomlin

Inspiration and genius - one and the same. - Victor Hugo

Inspiration exists, but it must find you working. - Pablo Picasso

Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare. - Ed Asner

Kids don't remember their best day of television. - Unknown

With kids, the days are long, but the years are short. - John Leguizamo

You know what's cool? My kids think I'm ordinary. - Michael J. Fox

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield

We've had bad luck with our kids - they've all grown up. - Christopher Morley

I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist. - George Carlin

Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration. - Thomas Edison

Raising kids make most people, including me, grow up at least a little. - Madonna

You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club. - Jack London

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. - Phyllis Diller

Amateurs wait for inspiration. The rest of us just get up and go to work. - Chuck Close

Short of screaming-hot Thai food, everything can be suitable for kids too. - Guy Fieri

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? - George Carlin

All kids need is a little help, a little hope, and somebody who believes in them. - Earvin "Magic" Johnson

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. - Phyllis Diller

Do we not all agree to call rapid thought and noble impulse by the name of inspiration? - George Eliot

A rich person should leave his kids enough to do something, but not enough to do nothing. - Warren Buffet

If we would listen to our kids, we'd discover that they are largely self-explanatory. - Robert Brault

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like. - Phyllis Diller

There's only two people in your life you should lie to... the police and your girlfriend. - Jack Nicholson

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller

Inspiration comes unawares, from unaccountable sources that have nothing to do with planning or intelligence. - Maurice Chevalier

Here lies my past.
Good-bye I have kissed it;
Thank you, kids.
I wouldn’t have missed it. - Ogden Nash

I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner

Enthusiasm is the inspiration of everything great. Without it no man is to be feared, and with it none despised. - Christian Nevell Bovee

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

You know your kids are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going. - P.J. O'Rourke

There's a limit to how many times you can read how great you are and what an inspiration you are, but I'm not there yet. - Randy Pausch

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

If you want your kids to listen to you, don't yell at them. Whisper. Make them lean in. My kids taught me that. I do it with adults now. - Mario Batali

Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they'd ever given blood. - Phyllis Diller

When I know that, if I have no inspiration whatsoever, when I come and I just feel empty, I have nothing, I know that I can still play the scene. - Christopher Walken

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer


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