#1 humor site on the 'net

Late Lecture

Preparing for a late night confrontation

Late Lecture thanks to Keith Blake

Late timing leads to elderly showdown

QuotaBills
Old age comes at a bad time. - Sue Banducci

Pity is just another form of abuse. - Michael J. Fox

I'm not aging, I'm marinating. - Unknown

I want to die young at a ripe old age. - Ashley Montagu

Smoking cures weight problems... eventually. - Steven Wright

Step aside Coffee. This is a job for Alcohol. - Unknown

Old age is like underwear, it creeps up on you. - Unknown

The old horse in the stable still yearns to run. - Mongolian Proverb

Smoking means always having to say you're sorry. - Tom Ferguson

To me, old age is always fifteen years older than I am. - Bernard Baruch

The gods bestowed on him the gift of perpetual old age. - Oscar Wilde

Men will let you abuse them only if you make them laugh. - Henry Ward Beecher

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves. - Phyllis Diller

Fourty is the old age of youth; 50 is the youth of old age. - Victor Hugo

Memorial services are the cocktail parties of the geriatric set. - Ralph Richardson

I'm aging like fine wine. I'm getting complex and fruity. - Unknown

Never have I enjoyed youth so thoroughly as I have in my old age. - George Santayana

Old age is the most unexpected of all things that happen to a man. - Leon Trotsky

Man fools himself. He prays for a long life, and he fears an old age. - Chinese Proverb

Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wanted to. - Joe Gores

Forget aging. If you're six feet above ground, it's a good day. - Faith Hill

In youth we run into difficulties; in old age difficulties run into us. - Josh Billings

To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems. - Homer Simpson

Young men soon give, and soon forget, affronts; old age is slow in both. - Joseph Addison

I phoned my Dad to tell him I had stopped smoking. He called me a quitter. - Steven Pearl

Those who love deeply never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young. - Dorothy Canfield Fisher

Why is it that everybody's suing the tobacco companies and not the alcohol companies? - Donald Trump

The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball. - Doug Larson

Old age has its pleasures, which, though different, are not less than the pleasures of youth. - W Somerset Maugham

Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard, there is nothing you can do. - Golda Meir

Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism. - Carl Jung

There are only three things that can kill a farmer: lightning, rolling over in a tractor, and old age. - Bill Bryson

I'm learning in my old age that the only thing you can do to keep your sanity is to stay in the moment. - Willem Dafoe

While we drink, and call for garlands, for perfumes and for maidens, old age is creeping on us unperceived. - Juvenal

Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read. - George Burns

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine

You can't reach old age by another man's road. My habits protect my life but they would assassinate you. - Mark Twain

There is more refreshment and stimulation in a nap, even of the briefest, than in all the alcohol ever distilled. - Ovid

I have made an important discovery - that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effects of intoxication. - Oscar Wilde

Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary. However, I looked it up on whiskeypedia and learned if you drink too much of it, it's likely tequilya. - Unknown


Tea Party Weapon

Reading Talent

ParaPlane Ride

iArm

Instant Engine Starting Down Under

Shakespeare Pens

Car-nage

Drum Kit Chandelier

Standoff

New Man Group

Octopus Skateboarding

Sling Signs

Beauty Bag

Dodgy Ticker

Orcar

Eastwooding

Sandal Security

Folding Bike

Ladies Golf

Mommy's Diet

Goat Trick

Why The Dog Left

Sex Education in Saskatchewan

Unattended Children