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Have A Seat, Mr. Bond

James Bond in his early years

Have A Seat, Mr. Bond thanks to Keith Blake

Goldfinger awaits the next scene

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Thank God kids never mean well. - Lily Tomlin

Illusion is the first of all pleasures. - Oscar Wilde

Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so. - Douglas Adams

Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare. - Ed Asner

With kids, the days are long, but the years are short. - John Leguizamo

Losing an illusion makes you wiser than finding a truth. - Ludwig Borne

You know what's cool? My kids think I'm ordinary. - Michael J. Fox

What a strange illusion to suppose that beauty is goodness. - Leo Tolstoy

Kids are life's only guaranteed bona fide upside surprise. - Jack Nicholson

Illusion is the dust the devil throws in the eyes of the foolish. - Minna Antrim

Raising kids make most people, including me, grow up at least a little. - Madonna

All kids are gifted: some just open their packages earlier than others. - Michael Carr

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. - Phyllis Diller

Silence is golden unless you have kids. Then silence is just suspicious. - Unknown

Short of screaming-hot Thai food, everything can be suitable for kids too. - Guy Fieri

The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any. - Fred Astaire

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson

The most effective form of birth control I know is spending the day with my kids. - Jill Bensley

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. - George Bernard Shaw

Free will is an illusion. People always choose the perceived path of greatest pleasure. - Scott Adams

If we would listen to our kids, we'd discover that they are largely self-explanatory. - Robert Brault

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like. - Phyllis Diller

I want to have a bunch of kids so I can open a factory and have free labor. Beat that, China! - Jarod Kintz

You know how kids dream of being soccer players or actors? Well, my dream was to be a sushi chef. - Nobu Matsuhisa

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer

The illusion that the times that were are better than those that are has probably pervaded all ages. - Horace Greeley

All kids are trouble, Edith. And I don't wanna spend my reclining years trying to raise another one. - Archie Bunker

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. - Woody Allen

Every boy needs a role model that he can be proud of and talk about to the other kids in the playground. - Athol Fugard

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller

One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman

I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner

I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair. - Jarod Kintz

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the bogeyman or Michael Jackson. - Bart Simpson

You know your kids are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going. - P.J. O'Rourke

When it comes to hockey, it's been in my blood since I was 3 or 4 years old. I love coaching the kids, especially at that level. - Mario Lemieux

Love easily confuses us because it is always in flux between illusion and substance, between memory and wish, between contentment and need. - Tom Robbins

Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they'd ever given blood. - Phyllis Diller


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