#1 humor site on the 'net

Have A Seat, Mr. Bond

James Bond in his early years

Have A Seat, Mr. Bond thanks to Keith Blake

Goldfinger awaits the next scene

QuotaBills
Thank God kids never mean well. - Lily Tomlin

Illusion is the first of all pleasures. - Oscar Wilde

Do your kids a favor - don't have any. - Robert Orben

Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare. - Ed Asner

Kids don't remember their best day of television. - Unknown

With kids, the days are long, but the years are short. - John Leguizamo

You know what's cool? My kids think I'm ordinary. - Michael J. Fox

Kids are life's only guaranteed bona fide upside surprise. - Jack Nicholson

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield

Illusion is the dust the devil throws in the eyes of the foolish. - Minna Antrim

Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex. - Bill Maher

All kids are gifted: some just open their packages earlier than others. - Michael Carr

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. - Phyllis Diller

Silence is golden unless you have kids. Then silence is just suspicious. - Unknown

Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn't music. - William Stafford

The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any. - Fred Astaire

All kids need is a little help, a little hope, and somebody who believes in them. - Earvin "Magic" Johnson

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. - George Bernard Shaw

The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance - it is the illusion of knowledge. - Daniel J. Boorstin

My wife and I have a tradition of popcorn and videos with our kids on Friday evenings. - Ozwald Boateng

Free will is an illusion. People always choose the perceived path of greatest pleasure. - Scott Adams

Hopefully, kids realize you can do anything you want. Skateboarding can be that gateway. - Ryan Sheckler

If we would listen to our kids, we'd discover that they are largely self-explanatory. - Robert Brault

We live in a fantasy world, a world of illusion. The great task in life is to find reality. - Irish Murdoch

I want to have a bunch of kids so I can open a factory and have free labor. Beat that, China! - Jarod Kintz

It's not uncommon to see kids on the school bus reading books and doing homework on the bus. - Anthony Amero

You know how kids dream of being soccer players or actors? Well, my dream was to be a sushi chef. - Nobu Matsuhisa

All kids are trouble, Edith. And I don't wanna spend my reclining years trying to raise another one. - Archie Bunker

Every boy needs a role model that he can be proud of and talk about to the other kids in the playground. - Athol Fugard

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller

One in four kids have either pre-diabetes or diabetes - what I like to call diabesity. How did this happen? - Mark Hyman

I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner

There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the bogeyman or Michael Jackson. - Bart Simpson

You know your kids are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going. - P.J. O'Rourke

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to hell? - Homer Simpson

Love easily confuses us because it is always in flux between illusion and substance, between memory and wish, between contentment and need. - Tom Robbins

Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they'd ever given blood. - Phyllis Diller

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer


Biggest Turkeys

Geezer Crossing

How to Twerk at Work

Scooter Hearse

Fast Type

Aussie Porsche

Redneck Plane Repair

Wine Time

Smart Fortune Cookie

Menopause Sucks

Baguetti

We Are All Tied Together

Shopping-ish

Going For A Walk

Fell Years Ago

No Pot Of Gold

Krispy Kreme Waffles

Organic Pears

Hungry For Justice

Relationsheep

Quotes Matter

Latest Cell Phone

Sled Dog

Stratus Sphere