#1 humor site on the 'net

Family Tree

Genealogy search starts at home

Family Tree thanks to Wayne Nowazek

Tracking down your Ancestree

QuotaBills
By ancestry, I was born to rule. - Nelson Mandela

Ancestry is a hereditary condition. - Unknown

The family is the nucleus of civilization. - William Durant

Besmooch the family name in the eyes of the community. - Archie Bunker

I would give everything if I could only keep my family. - Johnny Depp

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women. - WC Fields

I'm super laid back. I'm from Texas. I love my family. - Selena Gomez

Genealogy: Tracing yourself back to people better than you are. - John G. Pollard

Work is the least important thing and family is the most important. - Jerry Seinfeld

What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family. - Mother Teresa

For our immediate family and relatives, Canada was a land of opportunity. - Sidney Altman

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. - Sharon Stone

Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, "what for?" - Steven Wright

Live so you won't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip. - Will Rogers

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap. - Fred Allen

I love my squirrel and dumplings, but you can make it with chicken and dumplings. - Kay Robertson

You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them. - Desmond Tutu

Is this chicken or is this fish? I know it's tuna but it says chicken of the sea. - Jessica Simpson

Your family is depending on you. No better reason to bring all your game all the time. - Grant Cardone

Fathers should be neither seen nor heard. That is the only proper basis for family life. - Oscar Wilde

He that has no fools, knaves, nor beggars in his family was begot by a flash of lightning. - Thomas Fuller

As a man in a relationship, you have a simple choice: You can be right or you can be happy. - Ralphie May

I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married. - Lewis Grizzard

I unfortunately still crave chicken McNuggets and bacon, which is the meat candy of the world. - Katy Perry

Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. - Buddha

I grew up in an Irish Catholic family, and I think they force you to watch every James Cagney movie. - Jimmy Fallon

The chicken probably came before the egg because it is hard to imagine God wanting to sit on an egg. - Unknown

When you start about family, about lineage and ancestry, you are talking about every person on earth. - Alex Haley

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. - Unknown

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a family all wrapped up in each other. - Bill Vaughan

My family was so poor that if I hadn't been born a boy, I wouldn't of had anything to play with. - Rodney Dangerfield

The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf. - Bertrand Russell

Every family story has 1,000 other stories contained within it, like an unending series of nesting dolls. - Alison Pick

I've come to learn that the best time to debate family members is when they have good in their mouths. - Kenneth Cole

Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years. - George Burns

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold. - Ogden Nash

Remember that your best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other. - Unknown

Life's golden age is when the children are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car. - Unknown

The family should be a place where each new human being can have an early atmosphere conducive to the development of constructive creativity. - Edith Schaeffer

Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they'd ever given blood. - Phyllis Diller


Human Explosion

Air Force Pilots

See You Later

Lunch Admirers

Loo View

Cell Phone Booth

Topless Kate Middleton

Skype Hype

Almost Batman

Cadillac Bike

Donut Decadence

Manmade Beach in Japan

Bacon Bikes

Animal Taxi

Lego Key Holder

Mechanic Apprentice

Redneck Helicopter

Hairy Egg

Fork Door Handle

Making Hockey More Popular

Suitcase WorkPlace

One-Knight Stands

Stealth Cell Phone Tower

Holes of the World