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Welfare Dogs

Does your dog have what it takes?

Welfare Dogs thanks to Roy Taylor

This morning I went to sign my dogs up for welfare. At first the lady said, 'Dogs are not eligible to draw welfare.' So I explained to her that my dogs are mixed in colour, unemployed, lazy, can't speak English and have no friggin' clue who their Daddy's are. They expect me to feed them, provide them with housing and medical care. So she looked in her policy book to see what it takes to qualify. My dogs get their first checks on Friday. Damn, this is a great country!

QuotaBills
France is a dog-hole. - William Shakespeare

Let sleeping dogs lie. - French Proverb

Let fightin' dogs lie - Archie Bunker

Dogs never bite me. Just humans. - Marilyn Monroe

How much is that doggie in the window? - Bob Merrill

Dogs that bark at a distance never bite. - Unknown

A dog in desperation will leap over a wall. - Unknown

You can't teach a young dog old tricks. - Warren Buffet

Get the hanging dog expression off your face. - Archie Bunker

Every country has the government it deserves. - Joseph de Maistre

He who lies down with dogs, rises with fleas. - English Proverb

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. - Phyllis Diller

Throw physic to the dogs; I'll none of it. - William Shakespeare

A government of law is a government of lawyers. - Saying

Government is an endless pursuit of new ways to tax. - Unknown

Anybody who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad. - Leo Rosten

What this country needs are more unemployed politicians. - Edward Langley

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. - Ogden Nash

A government is the only known vessel that leaks from the top. - James Reston

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. - Wendy Liebman

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called "Ego". - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

World War II was the last government program that really worked. - George Will

I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent. - Edith Sitwell

I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow, than a man swear he loves me. - William Shakespeare

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. - Franklin P Jones

Old age means realizing you will never own all the dogs you wanted to. - Joe Gores

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. - Will Rogers

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs. - Aldous Huxley

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for. - Will Rogers

Government of the people, by the people, and for the pursuit of happiness. - Archie Bunker

Freedom of opinion can only exist when the government thinks itself secure. - Bertrand Russell

Why can't a woman be more like a dog, huh? So sweet, loving, attentive. - Kirk Douglas

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner

Government can't give us anything without depriving us of something else. - Henry Hazlitt

I look like a real bag lady when I go to Starbucks with my dog and get my chai. - Shirley MacLaine

A dog is the only thing on this earth that loves you more than he loves himself. - Josh Billings

Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business. - Tom Robbins

Either the government will be given to us or we shall seize it by marching on Rome. - Benito Mussolini

Raising boys is like raising puppies. One must take them for a walk every few hours. - Jody Defries

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. - Jeff Valdez

I love Canada. I am from Canada. I will bash the Canadian government but never Canada. - Jason Priestley

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes. - Lewis Grizzard

Everyone wants to eat at the government's table, but nobody wants to do the dishes. - Werner Finck

Of all the tasks of government, the most basic is to protect its citizens from violence. - John Foster Dulles

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

It's not the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog. - Mark Twain

I love working in Canada. The ovation is great. It makes me feel like I'm the top dog. - Owen Hart

What is the good of being a genius if you cannot use it as an excuse for being unemployed? - Gerald Barzan

Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It's hardly ever for them. - Harry Hill

Patriotism is supporting your country all the time and your government when it deserves it. - Mark Twain

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. - Will Rogers

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

So, if we lie to the government, it's a felony.
But if they lie to us, it's politics. - Bill Murray

A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them. - P.J. O'Rourke

Its success lies in the fact that it's an insurance plan, not an investment plan or a welfare plan. - James Roosevelt

For us in Russia, communism is a dead dog, while, for many people in the West, it is still a living lion. - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

There are two things in this world that don't last long: dogs chasing cars, and pros putting for pars. - Lee Travino

When government accepts responsibility for people, then people no longer take responsibility for themselves. - George Pataki

If you put the federal government in charge of the Sahara Desert, in 5 years there'd be a shortage of sand. - Milton Friedman

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around. - Unknown

Only government can take perfectly good paper, cover it with perfectly good ink and make the combination worthless. - Milton Friedman

We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It's cheaper and you get more feet. - Rita Rudner

An actor is never so great as when he reminds you of an animal - falling like a cat, lying like a dog, moving like a fox. - Francois Truffaut

I am sometimes a fox and sometimes a lion. The whole secret of government lies in knowing when to be the one or the other. - Napoleon Bonaparte

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner

The workers' and peasants' government proposes to all warring peoples... negotiations leading to a just, democratic peace. - Lenin

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain

Among God's creatures two, the dog and the guitar, have taken all the sizes and all the shapes, in order not to be separated from the man. - Andres Segovia

When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize or attack the government of my country. I make up for lost time when I am at home. - Winston Churchill

Ever occur to you why some of us can be this much concerned with animals suffering? Because government is not. Why not? Animals don't vote. - Paul Harvey


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