#1 humor site on the 'net

Lips That Touch Liquor

Origin of the phrase 'Liquor's Quicker'

Lips That Touch Liquor thanks to Bill Fast

1919 poster for the first MADD meeting

QuotaBills
Wine is bottled poetry. - Robert Louis Stevenson

Payday came and with it beer. - Rudyard Kipling

I work until beer o'clock. - Stephen King

I like a wine that fights back. - John Steed

Wine is my favorite 4 letter word. - Unknown

When the wine is in, the wit is out. - English Proverb

Does wine count as a serving of fruit? - Joe-kster

Religions change; beer and wine remain. - Hervey Allen

I like my whiskey old and my women young. - Errol Flynn

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution. - Homer Simpson

I'm Hybrid. I run on chocolate and wine. - Unknown

Step aside Coffee. This is a job for Alcohol. - Unknown

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. - George Carlin

Talking to you is like casting pearls into wine. - Archie Bunker

Everything's better with bacon and red wine. - Dianne Harman

As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food. - WC Fields

It was 2:00 p.m., too early for wine but not for chocolate. - Andrea Hurst

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already. - Tommy Cooper

Herb is the healing of a nation, alcohol is the destruction. - Bob Marley

Drinking rum before noon makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic. - Unknown

Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends. - Tom Waits

I'm aging like fine wine. I'm getting complex and fruity. - Unknown

Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die. - Homer Simpson

Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I will conquer the world. - Kaiser Willhelm II

We are all mortal until the first kiss and the second glass of wine. - Eduardo Galeano

In heaven there is no beer...
That's why we drink ours here. - Unknown

Whiskey is by far the most popular of all remedies that won't cure a cold. - Jerry Vale

One of the disadvantages of wine is that it makes a man mistake words for thoughts. - Samuel Johnson

New York champagne - that's a phony label. They don't grow raisins in New York. - Archie Bunker

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. - P.J. O'Rourke

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar. - Groucho Marx

I don't drink these days. I am allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs. - Robert Downey Jr.

An Irishman after trying American beer for the first time: "Put it back in the horse!" - Unknown

Don't depend on anyone else to toot your horn. I mean, do you really want their lips on it, anyway? - Faydra D. Fields

For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul. - Judy Garland

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

If you have to choose between drinking wine every day or being skinny, which would you choose: Red or White? - Unknown

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat. - Alex Levine

There is more refreshment and stimulation in a nap, even of the briefest, than in all the alcohol ever distilled. - Ovid

The only way we can ever teach a child to say "I'm sorry" is for him to hear it from our lips first. - Kevin Leman

Ninety percent I'll spend on good times, women and Irish Whiskey. The other ten percent I'll probably waste. - Tug McGraw

The Bible's full of wine. God ain't got nothing against a little drink to celebrate His Son's birthday with. - Archie Bunker

It was so quiet, a reservation kind of quiet, where you can hear somebody drinking whiskey on the rocks three miles away. - Sherman Alexie

A woman should never be seen eating or drinking, unless it be lobster salad and Champagne, the only true feminine and becoming viands. - George G. Byron

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila. - Mitch Ratcliffe

When I have an idea, I turn down the flame, as if it were a little alcohol stove, as low as it will go. Then it explodes and that is my idea. - Ernest Hemingway

NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars. Early pictures show no signs of ESPN or beer. This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars. - Unknown

Morals are not, like bacon, to be cured by hanging; nor, like wine, to be improved by sea voyages; nor, like honey, to be preserved in cells. - William Taylor

If you sang "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" and counted all the numbers mentioned throughout the entire song, it would add up to 14,850. - the Joe-kster


Dragon Buoy

Wi-Fi Password

When You Gotta Go

Bird Melons

Black Golfer

Gated Community

Piano Shelves

Page Lurker

Swimsuit Police

Aussie Shopping Cart

LabraThor Retriever

Local Crabs

ThrowYo

Hair Plants

Ruined Day

Classic Ballet Ad

Tea Party Weapon

Reading Talent

ParaPlane Ride

iArm

Instant Engine Starting Down Under

Shakespeare Pens

Car-nage

Drum Kit Chandelier