#1 humor site on the 'net

Baby Christmas Tree

Choosing a tree that won't scratch your car paint

Baby Christmas Tree thanks to Idske Mulder, The Netherlands

Expecting few presents under the Christmas tree this year?

QuotaBills
Santa's Guh-nomes - Archie Bunker

A bambiraptor is a savage baby dear. - Alan Davies

My family tree could use some pruning. - Unknown

The righteous will flourish like the palm tree. - Psalms 92:12

A baby is an inestimable blessing and a bother. - Mark Twain

Once there was a tree, and she loved a little boy. - Shel Silverstein

The ornament of a house is the friends who frequent it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on. - Carl Sandburg

The patriot's blood is the seed of Freedom's tree. - Thomas Campbell

Every baby born into the world is a finer one than the last. - Charles Dickens

A baby is born with a need to be loved - and never outgrows it. - Frank A. Clark

Character is the root of the tree; conduct, the fruit it bears. - E.M. Bounds

I'm a New Wave baby, so I got very stimulated by foreign film. - Jack Nicholson

Keep a green tree in your heart and perhaps a singing bird will come. - Chinese Proverb

The big lesson in life, baby, is never be scared of anyone or anything. - Frank Sinatra

Baby: a loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other. - Ronald Knox

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap. - Fred Allen

Mail your packages early, so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas. - Johnny Carson

The only time a woman wishes she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby. - Mary Marsh

True and solemn meaning of Christmas, which is a time for peace and quiet contemptation. - Archie Bunker

Learning is an ornament in prosperity, a refuge in adversity, and a provision in old age. - Aristotle

Transplanting the ballet to the United States is like trying to raise a palm tree in Dakota. - Lincoln Kirsten

The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. - Thomas Jefferson

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. - Steven Wright

The difference between a gun and a tree is a difference of tempo. The tree explodes every spring. - Ezra Pound

The Christmas season has come to mean the period when the public plays Santa Claus to the merchants. - John Andrew Holmes

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. - Unknown

The reason there are so many tree-lined boulevards in Paris is so the German army can march in the shade. - George S Patton

This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer. - Will Rogers

The baby bat
Screamed out in fright,
'Turn on the dark,
I'm afraid of the light.' - Shel Silverstein

I gave my young nephew a book for Christmas. He's spent six months looking for where to put the batteries. - Milton Berle

Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing. - Abraham Lincoln

It's in the democratic citizen's nature to be like a leaf that doesn't believe in the tree it's part of. - David Foster Wallace

You can't be suspicious of a tree, or accuse a bird or a squirrel of subversion or challenge the ideology of a violet. - Hal Borland

On the top of the Crumpetty Tree
The Quangle Wangle sat,
But his face you could not see,
On account of his Beaver Hat. - Edward Lear

Wolves directly affect the entire ecosystem, not just moose populations, their main prey, because less moose equals more tree growth. - Rolf Peterson

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. - George Carlin

Wise sayings are not only for ornament, but for action and business, having a point or edge, whereby knots in business are pierced and discovered. - Lord Francis Bacon

I think that I shall never see
A billboard lovely as a tree;
Perhaps, unless the billboards fall,
I'll never see a tree at all. - Ogden Nash


Diabetes Donation

Garmin Drive

CreepEye

Sleeping Guests

Unknown Assailant

Undergarment Financing

Shear Dog

Open For Business

This Rocks

Lifting Heavy Objects

Tomato Treat

Wrong Planet

Evaluating Something

Student Driver

Cat Milk

Guitar Pool

Facebook Africa

UniCorn

Less Is More

Taking The Bait

Puppy Circle

Prehistoric Flash Drive

Hair Weavers

Chemical Solutions