#1 humor site on the 'net

TP Kid

Recycled TP - so much better when personalized

TP Kid thanks to Idske Mulder, The Netherlands

Little Johnny's on a roll

QuotaBills
The Child is father of the Man. - William Wordsworth

Thank God kids never mean well. - Lily Tomlin

A child is a curly dimpled lunatic. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Hollywood is like Picasso's bathroom. - Candice Bergen

Children are likely to live up to what you believe of them. - Lady Bird Johnson

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield

The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. - John Wooden

If we don't stand up for children, then we don't stand for much. - Marian W. Edelman

There's only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it. - English Proverb

Silence is golden unless you have kids. Then silence is just suspicious. - Unknown

As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula. - Dave Barry

I started singing in the bathroom. Nothing was coming out. It was ghastly. - Rod Stewart

A mother's arms are made of tenderness and children sleep soundly in them. - Victor Hugo

As a child, my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. - Buddy Hackett

Who is more foolish, the child afraid of the dark or the man afraid of the light? - Maurice Freehill

All kids need is a little help, a little hope, and somebody who believes in them. - Earvin "Magic" Johnson

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. - Phyllis Diller

Do we not all agree to call rapid thought and noble impulse by the name of inspiration? - George Eliot

The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children. - Clarence Darrow

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer

If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: pour a little Lavoris in the toilet. - Jay Leno

If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them, and half as much money. - Abigail Van Buren

No matter how long we've been together Edith, you still, as the kids say, "turn me over." - Archie Bunker

Every child should have an occasional pat on the back as long as it is applied low enough and hard enough. - Bishop Fulton J. Sheen

I sleep with a light on in the bathroom so I can see where I'm at, because I wake up and have no clue. - Carrie Underwood

I have drawn inspiration from the Marine Corps, the Jewish struggle in Palestine and Israel, and the Irish. - Leon Uris

Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them; rarely, if ever, do they forgive them. - Oscar Wilde

Children aren’t happy without something to ignore,
And that’s what parents were created for. - Ogden Nash

Inspiration comes unawares, from unaccountable sources that have nothing to do with planning or intelligence. - Maurice Chevalier

Here lies my past.
Good-bye I have kissed it;
Thank you, kids.
I wouldn’t have missed it. - Ogden Nash

Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas. - Paula Poundstone

No man should bring children into the world who is unwilling to persevere to the end in their nature and education. - Plato

Grow up, and that is a terribly hard thing to do. It is much easier to skip it and go from one childhood to another. - F Scott Fitzgerald

Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children. - Bill Hicks

In most homes, the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space. - Evan Esar

I was not a child prodigy, because a child prodigy is a child who knows as much when it is a child as it does when it grows up. - Will Rogers

I've seen whales calving in the waters off Maui, and I've watched my children being born. But music is the most beautiful thing of all. - Steven Tyler

When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child. - Sophia Loren

A three year old child is a being who gets almost as much fun out of a fifty-six dollar set of swings as it does out of finding a small green worm. - Bill Vaughan

My wife was a make-up artist, and she's a total product junkie. Our bathroom is packed full of lotions and potions so I end up trying them out. - Robert Carlyle


Cowboy Bubble Bath

Trunk Load

Centennial Puff

Don't Be A Stick In The Mud

Redneck Hitch Attachment

Texas Rims

Window Fall Repair

Louvre Paintings

Parking Spot For Women

Generations Past And Present

Jumping The Gun

New Speed Trap

Window Cleaning in New York

Welcome Beer Mat

Mr. Dressup II

Puppy Special

Breast Cancer Cure

Who Needs Physics?

Bach Scratching

OCD Cookie Jar

Dwarf Plane Pull

Fire Truck

When Not To Stop Too Fast

Cruise Ship Trailer