#1 humor site on the 'net

Scan Scam

Old Man? Take a look at his face!

Scan Scam thanks to Mel Hardman

Airport scanning equipment reveals unbelievable case of concealment

Passenger boards an Air Canada plane in Hong Kong as an old man and arrives in Vancouver as a young Asian refugee.

QuotaBills
I got bigger fish to fly - Archie Bunker

Owning a drone does not a pilot make. - Alex Morritt

Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible. - Lord Kelvin

Roasted pigeons will not fly into one's mouth. - Dutch Proverb

Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly. - G K Chesterton

Feet, what do I need you for when I have wings to fly? - Frida Kahlo

As the velocity of air increases, its pressure decreases. - Daniel Bernoulli

If God wanted us to fly, he would have given us air tickets. - Mel Brooks

The sky is the limit only for those who aren't afraid to fly. - Bob Bello

The higher we soar the smaller we appear to those who cannot fly. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

I think being a dragon would be pretty awesome... you get to fly. - Josh Keaton

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant. - Richard J. Ferris

This is perfect weather for today's game. Not a breath of air. - Curt Gowdy

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. - Steven Wright

Our Air Corps reunion was held to rememmorate the great things we done. - Archie Bunker

The English have an extraordinary ability for flying into a great calm. - Alexander Woollcott

If ever a chef were to cook a fly, he would keep the breast for himself. - Poland Proverb

If women can be railroad workers in Russia, why can't they fly in space? - Valentina Tereshkova

The nation that secures control of the air will ultimately control the world. - Alexander Graham Bell

Matt would be fantastic for New York if the Jets were lucky enough to get him. - Donald Trump

Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo. - Al Gore

If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport. - Jonathan Winters

The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it. - J.M. Barrie

It's OK to have butterflies in your stomach. Just get them to fly in formation. - Rob Gilbert

Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly. - Lanston Hughes

He who waits for a roast duck to fly into his mouth must wait a very, very long time. - Chinese Proverb

The miracle is not to fly in the air, or to walk on the water, but to walk on the earth. - Chinese Proverb

Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard, there is nothing you can do. - Golda Meir

We breathe air, trees make air, homework kills trees, therefore homework is going to kill us all. - Unknown

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny

The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage. - Mark Russell

Give me my golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep my golf clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny

When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it. - Henry Ford

The reason birds can fly and we can't is simply because they have perfect faith, for to have faith is to have wings. - J.M. Barrie

With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff. - Rodney Dangerfield

Aim at the sun, and you may not reach it; but your arrow will fly far higher than if aimed at an object on a level with yourself. - Joel Hawes

Southwest Airlines is successful because the company understands it's a customer service company. It also happens to be an airline. - Harvey Mackay

If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff? - George Carlin

A nation that destroys its soils destroys itself. Forests are the lungs of our land, purifying the air and giving fresh strength to our people. - Franklin D Roosevelt

Love is like jumping out of an airplane with no parachute. But there’s no need to be frightened, because that plane is still on the ground. - Jarod Kintz


Anail Retention

Bat Flight

The No Brainer

Truck Bender

Bacon Balls

Fast Closure

Ukrainian Feast

1934 Modern Home

Fliptus

Copper Tubing Specialist

Bach Off Van

Boss Resume

Canadian Gun Shop

Hogwart's Other Bridge

Excalibutter

As The World Turns

Bird Condo

Legal Assistance For All

Chinese Law School

Do Not Stack

Stairway Chute

Walkway Not

Pirate Vacation

How Not To Prop Start Your Plane