#1 humor site on the 'net

Swine Flu Symptoms

After-effects of swine flu

Swine Flu Symptoms thanks to Glenna Kennedy

QuotaBills
Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so. - Douglas Adams

Nurses are the hospitality of the hospital. - Carrie Latet

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? - George Carlin

When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty. - Unknown

Panic plays no part in the training of a nurse. - Elizabeth Kenny

My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker

Love is the only disease that makes you feel better. - Sam Shepard

There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb

What a strange illusion to suppose that beauty is goodness. - Leo Tolstoy

A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer

Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight, and bull-strong. - Unknown

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August. - Ronnie Shakes

Lawsuit: a machine you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. - Ambrose Bierce

Confucius say: "Man who want pretty nurse, must be patient." - Unknown

You may know the intractability of a disease by its long list of remedies. - Alonzo Clark

Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly. - Morticia Addams

Symptoms are the body's mother tongue; signs are in a foreign language. - John Brown

Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. - Ambrose Bierce

Antitoxidote cruisin' through my system looking for some disease to attack. - Archie Bunker

A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh

If you are too smart to pay the doctor, you had better be too smart to get ill. - African Proverb

The number one disease of business leaders in North America is procrastination. - Napoleon Hill

No, Doctor, I don't want to grow young again. I just want to keep on growing old. - Madame de Rothschild

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

All of us are guinea pigs in the laboratory of God. Humanity is just a work in progress. - Tennessee Williams

Show me a Jewish boy who doesn't go to medical school and I'll show you a lawyer. - Milton Berle

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

Disease is war with the laws of our being, and all war, as a great general has said, is hell. - Lewis G. Janes

People were never "living with their disease." We cured them. Or they died from it. - Neil deGrasse Tyson

I think I have a disease called spontaneous disclosure. I need to tell everyone my life story instantaneously. - Kelly Ripa

Even if the doctor does not give you a year ... make one brave push and see what can be accomplished in a week. - Robert Louis Stevenson

In the sick room, ten cents' worth of human understanding equals ten dollars' worth of medical science. - Martin H. Fischer

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

I know runners who have suffered a tick bite and ended up with Lyme disease. I'll take an angry moose any day. - Don Kardong

'Tis not always in a physician's power to cure the sick; at times the disease is stronger than trained art. - Ovid

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope

The pig is not just pork chops and bacon and ham to us. The pig is a co-laborer in this great land-healing ministry. - Joel Salatin

The trained nurse has become one of the great blessings of humanity, taking a place beside the physician and the priest. - William Osler

The worst disease which can afflict executives in their work is not, as popularly supposed, alcoholism; it's egotism. - Robert Frost

Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw


India Road Assistance

Cow Walking

Cultural Exchange

Meowzart

Bonus Baby

Strawberry Heart

Water Skiing in Russia

Plumber's Party

Hand Face

Moon Harvest

Reach For The High-Hanging Fruit

CheckMate

Ship Tow

Redneck Turkey Shoot

Costco Wine

Downer Parking

Baconurkey

Camel Herders of the 21st Century

Redneck Palm Pilot

Turkey Day Selfie

Spool Turkey

Meal Alert

Turkey Not

Thanksgiving Harvest Time