#1 humor site on the 'net

Swine Flu Symptoms

After-effects of swine flu

Swine Flu Symptoms thanks to Glenna Kennedy

QuotaBills
In a pig's dye - Archie Bunker

No doctor is better than three. - German Proverb

One doctor makes work for another. - English Proverb

Time is generally the best doctor. - Ovid

The best doctor gives the least medicines. - Benjamin Franklin

When you treat a disease, first treat the mind. - Chen Jen

Panic plays no part in the training of a nurse. - Elizabeth Kenny

Love is the only disease that makes you feel better. - Sam Shepard

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx

Losing an illusion makes you wiser than finding a truth. - Ludwig Borne

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. - Albert Einstein

Illusion is the dust the devil throws in the eyes of the foolish. - Minna Antrim

A nurse will always give us hope,
an angel with a stethoscope. - Terri Guillemets

Education is the process of casting false pearls before real swine. - Irwin Edman

Lawsuit: a machine you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. - Ambrose Bierce

Insomnia: a contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents. - Shannon Fife

You may know the intractability of a disease by its long list of remedies. - Alonzo Clark

No disease that can be treated by diet should be treated by any other means. - Maimonides

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage. - Ambrose Bierce

When a lot of remedies are suggested for a disease, that means it cannot be cured. - Anton Chekhov

First the Doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. - Steve Martin

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance - it is the illusion of knowledge. - Daniel J. Boorstin

All of us are guinea pigs in the laboratory of God. Humanity is just a work in progress. - Tennessee Williams

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

We live in a fantasy world, a world of illusion. The great task in life is to find reality. - Irish Murdoch

Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. - Dag Hammarskjold

I wondher why ye can always read a doctor's bill an' ye niver can read his purscription. - Finley Peter Dunne

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important. - Bertrand Russell

The worst disease which can afflict executives in their work is not, as popularly supposed, alcoholism; it's egotism. - Robert Frost

My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. - Milton Berle

Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw

Menopause is thicker than water. When we talk and laugh about it, we learn and relax. It's a life transition, not a disease. - Unknown

A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession. - Martin H. Fischer

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin

I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. - Rodney Dangerfield

When I was born the doctor came out to the waiting room and told my father, "We did everything we could... but he pulled through." - Rodney Dangerfield

The paradigm of treating menopause symptoms with the lowest effective dose of hormone therapy, for the shortest period necessary, is very sensible. - Hugh Taylor


Why Germans Don't Play Scrabble

Moose Team

Catnip Garden

Tire Substitute

Monday Flowers

Lawntastic Scenery

Hallway Detour

For Your Synths

Ladder Load

Beach Drag

Amish Smart Car

Sitting on the Hot Seat

Redneck Wiener Roast

Free Trip To Heaven

Is There a Hell For Animals?

Double Line Parking

Without Government

Nose For Coke

Crisp Chips

3 Stages Of A Man's Life

Tipsy Crane

Clear View

Redneck Ladder

Home Depot Delivery