#1 humor site on the 'net

Middle East Airlines

Airbus 'grounded' on maiden flight

Middle East Airlines thanks to Barry Leinbach

This new Airbus 340-600, the largest passenger airplane ever built, sits just outside it's hangar in Toulouse, France, without a single hour of airtime on the clock...

Middle East Airlines thanks to Barry Leinbach

Enter the Arab flight crew of Abu Dhabi Aircraft Technologies (ADAT) to conduct pre-delivery tests on the ground, such as engine run-ups prior to delivery to Etihad Airways in Abu Dhabi. The ADAT crew taxied the A340-600 to the run-up area...

Middle East Airlines thanks to Barry Leinbach

Then they took all four engines to takeoff power with a virtually empty aircraft. Not having read the run-up manuals, they had no clue just how light an empty A340-600 really is...

Middle East Airlines thanks to Barry Leinbach

The take-off warning horn was blaring away in the cockpit because they had all 4 engines at full power. The aircraft computers thought they were trying to take off, but the flaps/slats had not been configured properly...

Middle East Airlines thanks to Barry Leinbach

Then one of the ADAT crew decided to pull the circuit breaker on the Ground Proximity Sensor to silence the alarm. This fools the aircraft into thinking it is in the air...

Middle East Airlines thanks to Barry Leinbach

The computers automatically released all the brakes, and set the aircraft rocketing forward - with the following result...

Middle East Airlines thanks to Barry Leinbach

The Abu Dhabi Aircraft Technology crew had no idea that this is a safety feature so that pilots can't land with the brakes on.

Middle East Airlines thanks to Barry Leinbach

Not one member of the seven-man Arab crew thought to throttle back the engines from their max power setting, so the £200 million aircraft crashed into a blast barrier, totalling it.

Middle East Airlines thanks to Barry Leinbach

The extent of injuries to the crew is unknown due to the news blackout in the local media.

Middle East Airlines thanks to Barry Leinbach

Finally, the photos are starting to leak out.

Middle East Airlines thanks to Barry Leinbach

£200 million aircraft meets wall. Wall wins.

QuotaBills
The voice is nothing but beaten air. - Seneca

Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible. - Lord Kelvin

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly. - Unknown

Luck is like having a rice dumpling fly into your mouth. - Japanese Proverb

As the velocity of air increases, its pressure decreases. - Daniel Bernoulli

As your runway of life gets shorter, the lighter the load. - Joe Segal

He imagines a necessary joy in things that must fly to eat. - Wendell Berry

If God wanted us to fly, he would have given us air tickets. - Mel Brooks

The higher we soar the smaller we appear to those who cannot fly. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant. - Richard J. Ferris

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. - Steven Wright

If ever a chef were to cook a fly, he would keep the breast for himself. - Poland Proverb

If I could light my own farts I could fly to the moon or at least Uranus. - Robin Williams

Something in the air this morning made me feel like flying... Spring Flight - Eileen Granfors

Thank God men cannot as yet fly and lay waste the sky as well as the earth. - Henry David Thoreau

The nation that secures control of the air will ultimately control the world. - Alexander Graham Bell

Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo. - Al Gore

The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease for ever to be able to do it. - J.M. Barrie

It's OK to have butterflies in your stomach. Just get them to fly in formation. - Rob Gilbert

Now that I've found the way to fly, which direction should I go into the night? - Ally Condie

Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly. - Lanston Hughes

He who waits for a roast duck to fly into his mouth must wait a very, very long time. - Chinese Proverb

You can't fly with the owls by night and expect to keep up with the eagles during the day. - Unknown

God puts you on the runway and takes you off the runway. What you do on the runway is up to you. - Unknown

Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard, there is nothing you can do. - Golda Meir

We breathe air, trees make air, homework kills trees, therefore homework is going to kill us all. - Unknown

I want the pilot flying me up in the air at 30,000 feet to make more than a guy working at Taco Bell. - Michael Moore

The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage. - Mark Russell

Give me my golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep my golf clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny

When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it. - Henry Ford

A tom cat hijacked a plane, stuck a pistol into the pilot's ribs and demanded, "Take me to the Canaries." - Bob Monkhouse

The only people flying to Europe will be terrorists, so it will be, "Will you be sitting in armed or unarmed?" - Robin Williams

The reason birds can fly and we can't is simply because they have perfect faith, for to have faith is to have wings. - J.M. Barrie

Bruce Lee's fast pace, Jet Li's pretty style and Jet Li's acrobatics combine with Muay Thai for my own style. - Tony Jaa

With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff. - Rodney Dangerfield

Aim at the sun, and you may not reach it; but your arrow will fly far higher than if aimed at an object on a level with yourself. - Joel Hawes

If Beethoven had been killed in a plane crash at the age of twenty-two, it would have changed the history of music... and of aviation. - Tom Stoppard

A nation that destroys its soils destroys itself. Forests are the lungs of our land, purifying the air and giving fresh strength to our people. - Franklin D Roosevelt

From lessening negativity to boosting creativity, hiking in fresh air actually boosts brain power and can help certain parts of the brain grow. - Meredith Carey

Love is like jumping out of an airplane with no parachute. But there’s no need to be frightened, because that plane is still on the ground. - Jarod Kintz


Thin Polar Bear

Hand Tool

Rainbow Beer

They Found Your Balls

Giraffe Pet

Hard Working Cop

Cattle Herding in Africa

Dutch Cowboy

How Bachelors Kill Moths

Tonsil Ring

Portrait Gallery

Piano Dog

The Art Of Politics

Martini Shirt

American Mustache

Wedding Room Dress

Redneck TP

Big Bird Feeder

City Work Crew's Slow Day

Cow Trampoline

Suspicious Blood Donor

Friends In High Places

Hair Cut Toupee

Finger Physio