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A Mother's Day Special

Don't ignore your gut feelings!

A Mother's Day Special thanks to Kyle Ziegler

QuotaBills
Necessity is the mother of attraction. - Luke McKissack

Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover! - Homer Simpson

Jesus was a Jew, yes, but only on his mother's side. - Archie Bunker

Food, love, mother and career: the four basic guilt groups. - Cathy Guisewite

All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel mother. - Abraham Lincoln

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday. - Rodney Dangerfield

She's descended from a long line her mother listened to. - Gypsy Rose Lee

A husband's conjungal and a wife's convivial obligation - Archie Bunker

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

In my house I'm the boss. My wife is just the decision maker. - Woody Allen

I know enough to know that when you're in a pickle... call Mom. - Jennifer Garner

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. - Sigmund Freud

Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife. - Shelley Winters

I unapologetically and unabashedly am deeply biased toward my mother. - Chelsea Clinton

It's not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it. - Dorothy

No one else, ever, will think you're great the way your mother does. - Mary Matalin

My wife's an earth sign. I'm a water sign. Together we make mud. - Henny Youngman

The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. - John Wooden

The more I go through parenting, the more I say I owe my mother an apology. - Ray Romano

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. - Rodney Dangerfield

All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express. - Milton Berle

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife. - Prince Philip

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg. - Rodney Dangerfield

The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. - Henry Ward Beecher

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance. - Tim Allen

Enthusiasm is the mother of effort, and without it nothing great was ever achieved. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

My mother is Irish, my father is black and Venezuelan, and me - I'm tan, I guess. - Mariah Carey

My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea. - Henny Youngman

My wife and I have a tradition of popcorn and videos with our kids on Friday evenings. - Ozwald Boateng

I just wasn't cut out to be a Chinese Tiger Mom. I'm more of an Irish Setter Dad. - P.J. O'Rourke

No matter how old a mother is, she watches her middle-aged children for signs of improvement. - Florida Scott-Maxwell

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be in my bath, and she'd come in and sink my boats. - Woody Allen

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day. - Jay Leno

My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay. - Milton Berle

When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth". - Groucho Marx

My mother always told me I wouldn't amount to anything because I procrastinate. I said, Just wait. - Judy Tenuta

Drunk Man: "I can't bear fools."
Dorothy Parker: "Apparently your mother could." - Dorothy Parker

I am one of those cliff-hanging Catholics. I don't believe in God, but I do believe that Mary was his mother. - Martin Sheen

My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years to have breakfast together, but it was so disagreeable we had to stop. - Winston Churchill

The rhythm of the footsteps, the sound of whatever is coming down the ladder is driving both me and my mom steadily toward peeing our pants. - Kendare Blake


Lightbulb Apprentice

Argentina Weather Stone

Wurst Humour

Car Pool Lane

Do Not Read Law

Faith Forever

Diet Silverware

Octopus Pasta

No Separation

Zombie Mug

What A Radical

Bacon My Heart

Aussie Drinkers

How a Tangerine Is Made

For Lazy Shoppers

Wildlife Photographer

Wi-Fi Neighbour

Walker Safety

Greatest Daughter

Sourtoe Cocktail

Ogre Tree

Dog Pot Nap

Shame On All You Hunters

Names of the Colours