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Mom Tested, Mom Approved

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Mom Tested, Mom Approved thanks to Kirk Lowry

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Gin was mother's milk to her. - George Bernard Shaw

Leisure is the Mother of Philosophy. - Thomas Hobbes

Ignorance is the mother of admiration. - George Chapman

Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover! - Homer Simpson

Getting caught is the mother of invention. - Robert Byrne

You trust your mother, but you cut the cards. - Unknown

Necessity, who is the mother of our invention. - Plato

This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother. - Ted Walsh

You're not famous until my mother has heard of you. - Jay Leno

Jesus was a Jew, yes, but only on his mother's side. - Archie Bunker

Air pollution is turning Mother Nature prematurely gray. - Irv Kupcinet

Nothing is really lost until your Mom can't find it. - Unknown

Being a mother is an attitude, not a biological relation. - Robert A. Heinlein

Life began with waking up and loving my mother's face. - George Eliot

Food, love, mother and career: the four basic guilt groups. - Cathy Guisewite

A man's mother is his misfortune, but his wife is his fault. - Walter Begehot

My mom always said normal is just a cycle on the washing machine. - Wynonna Judd

A smart mother makes often a better diagnosis than a poor doctor. - August Bier

I know enough to know that when you're in a pickle... call Mom. - Jennifer Garner

Whatsoever was the father of a disease, an ill diet was the mother. - George Herbert

I unapologetically and unabashedly am deeply biased toward my mother. - Chelsea Clinton

My religious background is that my mother is a Christian Dior Scientist. - Robin Williams

My honeymoon night was spent on the floor in the bathroom with my mother. - Ronnie Spector

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one. - Groucho Marx

A mother is not a person to lean on, but a person to make leaning unnecessary. - Dorothy Fisher

A mother's arms are made of tenderness and children sleep soundly in them. - Victor Hugo

There was never a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him to sleep. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Oh, when I was a kid, I was ugly. When I was born, the doctor smacked my mother. - Rodney Dangerfield

Your mother's down there throwing a monkey wrench into the halls of justice. - Archie Bunker

My mom used to say that Greek Easter was later because then you get stuff cheaper. - Amy Sedaris

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee. - Phyllis Diller

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance. - Tim Allen

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed - I never knew they worked. - Les Dawson

I want to stay curled and cosied and chocolated... forever in my mother's arms. - Sanober Khan

Enthusiasm is the mother of effort, and without it nothing great was ever achieved. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

On Valentine's Day, I wired flowers for my mother-in-law, but she found the fuse. - Milton Berle

My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind. - Les Dawson

The Iron Curtain may be a thing of the past, but Mother Russia is as mysterious as ever. - Robert Gottlieb

I just wasn't cut out to be a Chinese Tiger Mom. I'm more of an Irish Setter Dad. - P.J. O'Rourke

My mom was fair. You never knew whether she was going to swing with her right or her left. - Herb Caen

No matter how old a mother is, she watches her middle-aged children for signs of improvement. - Florida Scott-Maxwell

The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness. - Honore De Balzac

A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. - Peter DeVries

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day. - Jay Leno

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire

I married your mother because I wanted children.
Imagine my disappointment when you came along. - Groucho Marx

When I go home, I play with my baby dolls and strollers and diaper bags, and play with my sisters. - Dakota Fanning

It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding. - Erma Bombeck

I was such an ugly baby. My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend. - Rodney Dangerfield

You really don't need to study how to change a diaper. As a new mom, you learn pretty darn quickly! - Ivanka Trump

There are only two things a child will share willingly - communicable diseases and his mother's age. - Benjamin Spock

I wanted to do something nice so I bought my mother-in-law a chair. Now they won't let me plug it in. - Henny Youngman

My mother always told me I wouldn't amount to anything because I procrastinate. I said, Just wait. - Judy Tenuta

If I have done anything in life worth attention, I feel sure that I inherited the disposition from my mother. - Booker T. Washington

Drunk Man: "I can't bear fools."
Dorothy Parker: "Apparently your mother could." - Dorothy Parker

A mother takes twenty years to make a man of her boy, and another woman makes a fool of him in twenty minutes. - Robert Frost

I love those hockey moms. You know what they say the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull is? Lipstick. - Sarah Palin

I am one of those cliff-hanging Catholics. I don't believe in God, but I do believe that Mary was his mother. - Martin Sheen

When I moved out of my mom's house at 18 I was almost as sad to leave her sewing machine behind as anything else. - Beth Ditto

In most homes, the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space. - Evan Esar

By embracing your mother wound as your yoga, you transform what has been a hindrance in your life into a teacher of the heart. - Phillip Moffitt

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. - Shirley Temple

My son really has the spirit of Valentine's Day. When he was in college, he used to send his mother a heart-shaped box of laundry. - Milton Berle

Worrying is less work than doing something to fix the worry. Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom with the dishes. - P.J. O'Rourke

Secretary: "It must be hard to lose your mother-in-law." WC Fields: "Yes it is, very hard. It's almost impossible." - WC Fields

Education commences on the mother's knee, and every word spoken within hearsay of little children tends toward the formation of character. - Hosea Ballou

I think, at a child's birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift should be curiosity. - Eleanor Roosevelt

How shall a man escape from his ancestors, or draw off from his veins the black drop which he drew from his father’s or mother's life? - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch." - Phyllis Diller

Never play cards with a man called Doc, never eat at a place called Mom's, and never sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than your own. - Nelson Algren


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