#1 humor site on the 'net

McDonalds Reaches Africa

Astro Giraffic Park - the new Land of Trans Fat

McDonalds Reaches Africa thanks to Fred Jerant

Taking the 'plain' out of the Serengeti Plains

QuotaBills
I'm a fat anorexic. - Kiri Te Kanawa

Health food makes me sick. - Calvin Trillin

The greatest wealth is health. - Virgil

A fat purse never lacks friends. - Unknown

Laughter is by definition healthy. - Doris Lessing

Tears at times have all the weight of speech. - Ovid

It's simple. If it jiggles, it's fat. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato

Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura

Love is, or it ain't. Thin love ain't love at all. - Toni Morrison

Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. - Albert Schweitzer

Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid

I don't diet, I just don't eat as much as I'd like to. - Linda Evangelista

Whatsoever was the father of a disease, an ill diet was the mother. - George Herbert

I find there is only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. - Rodney Dangerfield

My metabolism stinks. I can gain weight just listening to dinner music. - Ron Dentinger

The key to a healthy lawn is to take care of what happens below ground. - Mike Bechtle

People with healthy self-esteem do not need to create pretend identities. - Unknown

No disease that can be treated by diet should be treated by any other means. - Maimonides

In nothing do men more nearly approach the gods than in giving health to men. - Cicero

The two kinds of people on earth are the people who lift and the people who lean. - Unknown

But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi

Logic is the hygiene the mathematician practices to keep his ideas healthy and strong. - Hermann Weyl

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt. - Erma Bombeck

My act is sort of improvisational. I have a skeleton in my head, but no fat or skin on it. - Paula Poundstone

Coaching doesn't make sick people well - it helps healthy people become extra-ordinary. - Thomas Leonard

Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said, "Cigarettes contain fat." - Dave Barry

A life coach does for the rest of your life what a personal trainer does for your health and fitness. - Elaine MacDonald

I have noted that the healthy release of emotion is frequently very unhealthy for those closest to you. - Mr Spock

My wife is on a diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn't lost any weight, but she can sure climb a tree. - Henny Youngman

Nobody can fail to lose weight in the jungle, unless they've got a secret stash of pork pies somewhere. - Colin Baker

Baloney is the unvarnished lie laid on so thick you hate it. Blarney is flattery laid on so thin you love it. - Fulton J Sheen

Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi

A dark-chocolate truffle melts in my mouth, and I forget about everything else... even the fact that I'm on a diet. - Barbara Brooke

In all affairs it's a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have long taken for granted. - Bertrand Russell

Health is the state about which medicine has nothing to say; sanctity is the state about which theology has nothing to say. - W H Auden

Confidence is beautiful, no matter your size, no matter your weight. Be confident in who you are and you'll be beautiful. - Unknown

I cannot but bless the memory of Julius Caesar, for the great esteem he expressed for fat men; and his aversion to lean ones. - David Hume

I dream of the realization of the unity of Africa, whereby its leaders combine in their efforts to solve the problems of this continent. - Nelson Mandela

If you want your kids to listen to you, don't yell at them. Whisper. Make them lean in. My kids taught me that. I do it with adults now. - Mario Batali


Carpet Diet

Canadian Fast Food

Manitoba Home Security System

Walk Sign Ending

Stealth Photographer

Cow Licks

Am I Visible?

Security for a Stripped Bike

Japanese Yen for Downside Housing

2019 Hooters Owl & Birds of Prey Calendars (3)

Zoo Invitation

Pencil Shavings

Hidey Ho, Neighbour!

Ed In Burgh

Safe Working Practices?

Shade Stockings

Ex-Pilot

Stair Substitute

Alaska Phone Booth

How to Prepare a Man for His Funeral

Crap Flavoured Instant Noodles

Three Cats Ago

Burnt Out Driver

1-800-PILLCASH