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Scotland is the Canada of England. - Rainn Wilson

I speak two languages, English and Body. - Mae West

Never ask the barber if you need a haircut. - Warren Buffet

The English never draw a line without blurring it. - Winston Churchill

He doesn't dye his hair, he bleaches his face. - Johnny Carson

This is the sort of English up with which I will not put. - Winston Churchill

Every day People straighten up the hair, why not the heart? - Ernesto Guevara

I have so much hair, I have a separate wig closet in my house. - Sherri Shepherd

Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum. - P G Wodehouse

There'll always be an England, even if it's in Hollywood. - Bob Hope

In England there are sixty different religions and only one sauce. - Francesco Caracciolo

England and America are two countries separated by a common language. - George Bernard Shaw

I have little hair because my brain is so big it pushes the hair out. - Silvio Berlusconi

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library? - Lily Tomlin

The English have an extraordinary ability for flying into a great calm. - Alexander Woollcott

If I want to knock a story off the front page, I just change my hairstyle. - Hillary Clinton

There are ways of singing in English that are not just the same as in French. - Coeur de Pirate

Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush. - Phyllis Diller

I imagine hell like this: Italian punctuality, German humour and English wine. - Peter Ustinov

Let everyone leave all the guns - British guns and Irish guns - outside the door. - Martin McGuinness

On the Continent people have good food; in England people have good table manners. - George Mikes

There's nothing like an English weirdo. We have the best nutters in the world. - Sharon Osbourne

I'm not Irish. Just because I have red hair doesn't mean I'm a lucky charm. - Rebecca Mader

The funniest line in English is "Get it?" When you say that, everyone chortles. - Garrison Keillor

Never make fun of someone who speaks broken English. It means they know another language. - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

I get more distracted by hair or a really bad wig than I do costumes any day of the week. - Colleen Atwood

For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off. - Johnny Carson

Forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair. - Khalil Gibran

The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded. - Steven Wright

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot. - Jay Leno

If you find yourself saying, "But I can't speak English...", try adding the word "... yet". - Jane Revell

No bum that can't speak poifect English oughta stay in this country - oughta be de-exported the hell outta here! - Archie Bunker

If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized. - Oscar Wilde

If the English language made any sense, 'lackadaisical' would have something to do with a shortage of flowers. - Doug Larson

The longest word in the English language is the one following the phrase, "And now a word from our sponsor." - Hal Eaton

Laundry's easier when you live alone. Fifteen minutes before a date, put 'em on, dry 'em with a hair blower. - Elayne Boosler

Isn't it a very curious thing that St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland an' the English brought in the fleas. - Frank McCourt

The nine most terrifying words in the English language are,
"I'm from the government and I'm here to help." - Ronald Reagan

As a travel writer I've specialized in gritty, fearful destinations, the kind of places that make a reader's hair stick on end. - Tahir Shah

Cricket - a game which the English, not being a spiritual people, have invented in order to give themselves some conception of eternity. - Lord Mancroft


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