#1 humor site on the 'net

Ultimate Camouflage

She Tree or He Tree? Illusion of the year

Ultimate Camouflage thanks to Idske Mulder, The Netherlands

QuotaBills
My family tree could use some pruning. - Unknown

Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so. - Douglas Adams

Dance is the hidden language of the soul. - Martha Graham

If you hate where you are, move - you are not a tree. - Unknown

Language exerts hidden power, like a moon on the tides. - Rita Mae Brown

Preoccupied with a single leaf you won't see the tree. - Vagabond

The secret of your future is hidden in your daily routine. - Mike Murdock

He knows his olive trees better than he knows his children. - Rebecca Helm-Ropelato

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. - Albert Einstein

Character is the root of the tree; conduct, the fruit it bears. - E.M. Bounds

I have fallen in love with someone who is hiding inside of you. - Hafiz

Some of my best friends are illusions. Been sustaining me for years. - Sheila Ballantyne

A man loses his illusions first, his teeth second, and his follies last. - Helen Rowland

Death is just a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees. - J.J. Furnas

Learn not to talk to me. You shake the tree, a leopard's going to fall out. - Kobe Bryant

Southerners are so devoted to genealogy that we see a family tree under every bush. - Florence King

Like the cosmetics industry, the securities business is engaged in selling illusion. - Paul Samuelson

Trees are not known by their leaves, nor even by their blossoms, but by their fruits. - Eleanor of Aquitaine

The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance - it is the illusion of knowledge. - Daniel J. Boorstin

The purpose of art is to lay bare the questions which have been hidden by the answers. - James Baldwin

A cold wind was blowing from the north, and it made the trees rustle like living things. - George R.R. Martin

Everything we see hides another thing; we always want to see what is hidden by what we see. - Renee Magritte

Half - the most beautiful half - of life is hidden from him who has not loved passionately. - Stendhal

If you reveal your secrets to the wind, don't blame the wind for revealing them to the trees. - Unknown

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. - Unknown

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. - Woody Allen

The reason there are so many tree-lined boulevards in Paris is so the German army can march in the shade. - George S Patton

Attachment is the great fabricator of illusions; reality can be attained only by someone who is detached. - Simone Weil

Except during the nine months before he draws his first breath, no man manages his affairs as well as a tree does. - George Bernard Shaw

Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing. - Abraham Lincoln

Providence has hidden a charm in difficult undertakings, which is appreciated only by those who dare to grapple with them. - Anne-Sophie Swetchine

So long as the mother, ignorance, lives, it is not safe for science, the offspring, to divulge the hidden cause of things. - Johannes Kepler

When anyone asks me about the Irish character, I say look at the trees. Maimed, stark and misshapen, but ferociously tenacious. - Unknown

As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" - probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. - Woody Allen

If you think in terms of a year, plant a seed; if in terms of ten years, plant trees; if in terms of 100 years, teach the people. - Confucius

I glanced out the window at the signs of spring. The sky was almost blue, the trees were almost budding, the sun was almost bright. - Millard Kaufman

I think trees should bloom earlier in the spring. They act like they are on a schedule. It’s not like they have anywhere to go. - Jarod Kintz

On the top of the Crumpetty Tree
The Quangle Wangle sat,
But his face you could not see,
On account of his Beaver Hat. - Edward Lear

Wolves directly affect the entire ecosystem, not just moose populations, their main prey, because less moose equals more tree growth. - Rolf Peterson

I think that I shall never see
A billboard lovely as a tree;
Perhaps, unless the billboards fall,
I'll never see a tree at all. - Ogden Nash


Cultural Exchange

Meowzart

Bonus Baby

Strawberry Heart

Water Skiing in Russia

Plumber's Party

Hand Face

Moon Harvest

Reach For The High-Hanging Fruit

CheckMate

Ship Tow

Redneck Turkey Shoot

Costco Wine

Downer Parking

Baconurkey

Camel Herders of the 21st Century

Redneck Palm Pilot

Turkey Day Selfie

Spool Turkey

Meal Alert

Turkey Not

Thanksgiving Harvest Time

Turkey Wants You To Eat Pork

Going Cold Turkey