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Help Me Before It's Too Late!

Best Man's last prank on the Groom

Help Me Before It's Too Late! thanks to Pierre Belleau, Quebec

QuotaBills
One does not marry art. One ravishes it. - Edgar Degas

To marry the Irish is to look for poverty. - J.P. Donleavy

A really good detective never gets married. - Raymond Chandler

Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight. - Georg C. Lichtenberg

She tells enough white lies to ice a wedding cake. - Margot Asquith

The woman cries before the wedding and the man after. - Polish Proverb

There is nothing so difficult to marry as a large nose. - Oscar Wilde

I want a girl just like the girl that married dear old Dad. - Oedipus Rex

Don't marry a tennis player - love means nothing to them. - Joan Rivers

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. - Sam Kinison

A girl must marry for love, and keep on marrying until she finds it. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

Marriage is better than leprosy because it's easier to get rid of. - WC Fields

I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back. - Richard Lewis

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. - Red Skelton

One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry. - Oscar Wilde

Never marry anyone you could not sit next to during a three-day bus trip. - Roger Ebert

Marriage requires a special talent like acting. Monogamy requires genius. - Warren Beatty

I am married to Beatrice Salkeld, a painter. We have no children, except me. - Brendan Behan

Marriage is very difficult. It's like a 5,000-piece jigsaw puzzle, all sky. - Cathy Ladman

A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it. - John Steinbeck

Marriage is wonderful institution... if, of course, you like living in an institution. - Groucho Marx

A girl who thinks that a man will treat her better after marriage than before is a fool. - William C. Hall

If you meet someone who can cook and do housework, don't hesitate a minute - marry him! - Rita Rudner

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing - and then marry him. - Cher

I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married. - Lewis Grizzard

I married your mother because I wanted children.
Imagine my disappointment when you came along. - Groucho Marx

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. - Groucho Marx

The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception absolutely necessary for both parties. - Oscar Wilde

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house. - Rod Stewart

There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - Sam Kinison

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me. - Elayne Boosler

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them. - Ogden Nash

The best reason for a knitter to marry is that you can't teach the cat to be impressed when you finish a lace scarf. - Stephanie Pearl-McPhee

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Sacha Guitry

A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year. - Paul Sweeney

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is. - Milton Berle

In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage. - Robert Anderson

I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch." - Phyllis Diller

Fraud in business is no different from infidelity in marriage or plagiarism in scholarly work. Even people committed to high moral standards succumb. - Miroslav Volf


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