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Help Me Before It's Too Late!

Best Man's last prank on the Groom

Help Me Before It's Too Late! thanks to Pierre Belleau, Quebec

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I use a Mac to help me design the next Cray. - Seymoure Cray

In married life, three is company and two none. - Oscar Wilde

Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. - Paula Deen

If you marry for money you will earn every penny. - Dr. Phil McGraw

Getting married is an incredible act of hopefulness. - Ashley Judd

Sticking with a marriage. That's true grit, man. - Jeff Bridges

An Irish wedding is a tame thing to an Irish funeral. - Mary Deasy

The woman cries before the wedding and the man after. - Polish Proverb

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx

Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. - Ambrose Bierce

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. - Ogden Nash

I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills. - Groucho Marx

Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife. - Shelley Winters

A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished. - Zsa Zsa Gabor

Marriage is better than leprosy because it's easier to get rid of. - WC Fields

I was going to marry a gardener, but he was too rough around the hedges. - Unknown

Marriage requires a special talent like acting. Monogamy requires genius. - Warren Beatty

Marriage halves our griefs, doubles our joys, and quadruples our expenses. - G K Chesterton

I've been married so long I'm on my third bottle of Tabasco sauce. - Susan Vass

I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman. - Arnold Schwarzenegger

Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers. - Richard Pryor

I don't follow trends. I make each cake for a particular wedding, or event. - Ron Ben-Israel

Help me, I can’t breathe, your ego is pushing all the air out of the room. - Ilona Andrews

Sir, it is your duty to get married. You can't be always living for pleasure. - Oscar Wilde

The world has grown suspicious of anything that looks like a happily married life. - Oscar Wilde

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases. - Milton Berle

How marriage ruins a man! It is as demoralizing as cigarettes, and far more expensive. - Oscar Wilde

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. - Mignon McLaughlin

First of all you’ve got to have talent. And then you've got to marry her like I did. - George Burns

I married your mother because I wanted children.
Imagine my disappointment when you came along. - Groucho Marx

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck

When I make a vow to God, then I would suggest to you that's even stronger than a handshake in Texas. - Rick Perry

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass! - Rodney Dangerfield

Marriage is like a beleaguered fortress: those who are outside want to get in, and those inside want to get out. - French Proverb

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them. - Ogden Nash

When I was in boy scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my ankle. A little old lady had to help me across the street. - Steven Wright

Twenty years of romance make a woman look like a ruin, but twenty years of marriage make her something like a public building. - Oscar Wilde

A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year. - Paul Sweeney

In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage. - Robert Anderson

One advantage of marriage is that when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again. - Judith Viorst


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