#1 humor site on the 'net

Lottery Winner's Christmas Present

It's all about placement...

Lottery Winner's Christmas Present thanks to Roy Taylor

QuotaBills
A winner never whines. - Paul Brown

A TV licence is a licence to print money. - Roy Thomson

What makes a winner as much as anything: luck. - Red Auerbach

A winner never quits, and a quitter never wins. - Unknown

I bought a million lottery tickets. I won a dollar. - Steven Wright

There'll be only one winner now - in every sense. - David Coleman

Your children need your presence more than your presents. - Jesse Jackson

The only thing greater than a good loser is a humble winner. - Unknown

Winner: a runner who wins in spite of ninety nine excellent runners. - Sujit Lalwani

How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'? - Jay Leno

Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose. - F.M. Knowles

Opportunity does not knock. It presents itself when you beat down the door. - Unknown

I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back. - Steven Wright

Liberty is the right to do what I like; license, the right to do what you like. - Bertrand Russell

If you don't see yourself as a winner, then you cannot perform as a winner. - Zig Ziglar

Common sense is just as good a critic of the lottery as any statistical breakdown. - Hunter Baker

It is necessary for me to establish a winner image. Therefore, I have to beat somebody. - Richard M Nixon

All are inclined to believe that they covet, from a lottery ticket up to a passport to Paradise. - Lord Byron

You were born to win. But to be a winner, you must plan to win, prepare to win, and expect to win. - Zig Ziglar

If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers! - Homer Simpson

Don't let the age on your driver's license determine your season in life. Everyone's growing seasons look a bit different. - Vicki Kuyper

Unrest of spirit is a mark of life; one problem after another presents itself and in the solving of them we can find our greatest pleasure. - Kal Menninger

Eating a tuna roll at a sushi restaurant should be considered no more environmentally benign than driving a Hummer or harpooning a manatee. - Daniel Pauly


Bacon Bikes

Animal Taxi

Lego Key Holder

Mechanic Apprentice

Redneck Helicopter

Hairy Egg

Fork Door Handle

Making Hockey More Popular

Suitcase WorkPlace

One-Knight Stands

Stealth Cell Phone Tower

Holes of the World

Sunken Bed

Australian Wildfire Survivor

Rat Toys

Radish Camouflage

Apple Art

Cake Finders

Shot Glasses

Frog Spout Security

Chopper Bicycle

Canadian Suntan

Walkway To Heaven

Groucho Marx and Jimmy Savile