#1 humor site on the 'net

Japanese Yen for Downside Housing

Downside House in a Rightside World

Japanese Yen for Downside Housing thanks to Jan Newell

QuotaBills
Home is a refuge for all good men. - Unknown

An old man in a house is a good sign. - Benjamin Franklin

A dreaded disease is infilteratin' our home - Archie Bunker

He'd go through the house like Typhoon Mary. - Archie Bunker

One aged man - one man - can't fill a house. - Robert Frost

Hot flushes and mentalpause. House of ill refute. - Archie Bunker

What's the need of a home if you are never in it? - George Grossmith

He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind. - The Bible

He's got that big house to maintain in San Clemency. - Archie Bunker

I just heard from Bill Bailey. He's not coming home. - Henny Youngman

Love is the child of illusion and the parent of disillusion. - Miguel de Unamuno

A consultant is an ordinary man away from home giving advice. - Oscar Wilde

I have so much hair, I have a separate wig closet in my house. - Sherri Shepherd

When the snake is in the house, one need not discuss the matter at length. - African Saying

I wanted a man who wouldn't stray so I'm dating a guy on house arrest. - Kim Bove

I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don't know how I got there. - Steven Wright

On stage I make love to twenty five thousand people; and then I go home alone. - Janis Joplin

I wouldn't run for President. I wouldn't want to move to a smaller house. - Bono

I love contemporary art, although I wouldn't want a pickled shark in my house. - Bruno Tonioli

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. - George Bernard Shaw

Like the cosmetics industry, the securities business is engaged in selling illusion. - Paul Samuelson

Home life as we understand it is no more natural to us than a cage is natural to a cockatoo. - George Bernard Shaw

So finally, the great Jefferson, who always reclined to cross my freshhold is into the house. - Archie Bunker

I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. - Steven Wright

I want a house with a garden, but slap bang in the centre of London. Next door to a sushi bar. - Michelle Dockery

Maybe more youngsters would stay home at nights if they were not afraid to stay alone at nights. - Herbert Prochnow

Anyone who has been to an English public school will always feel comparatively at home in prison. - Unknown

Gonna be incrimated... they're gonna keep the ashes around the house in one of them silver urinals. - Archie Bunker

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. - Woody Allen

One of television's great contributions is that it brought murder back into the home, where it belongs. - Alfred Hitchcock

Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home. - Rodney Dangerfield

I could dance with you till the cows come home...
on second thought, I'll dance with the cows till you come home. - Groucho Marx

The most dangerous person of the world is a member of the United States Congress just home from a three-day fact-finding trip. - Johnny Isakson

Television is an invention that permits you to be entertained in your living room by people you wouldn't have in your home. - David Frost

Hockey on roller skates is like MMA in a bounce house: the elements are there, but the medium makes the whole thing ridiculous. - David Walton

An expert is somebody who is more than fifty miles from home, has no responsibility for implementing the advice he gives, and shows slides. - Edwin Meese

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody's satellite dish. My dreams were showing up on TV's all over the world. - Steven Wright

Winter is the time for comfort, for good food and warmth, for the touch of a friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire: it is the time for home. - Edith Sitwell

I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included. - Steven Wright

This is a honeydew day. That is when you get a day off and the wife says, "Honey, do this," and "Honey, do that" around the house. - Jim Lemon


Tetris Cake

T-Rex Shadow

Ordnance Table

Wine Bibber

Redneck Wireless Selfie

Tylenol Ban

GoosePrints

Louisiana Potholes

Cheers!

Billy Goat Gruff

Girlfriend Math

Coffee Days

Marathon Runner Tip

Seaweed Burger

Blinker Fluid

Doc In A Box

One At A Time

Life And Beer Are Very Similar

Redneck Speed Bump

Studley Tool Chest

Shopping With Your Husband

PEI Weather

Math Lab Bust

Political Floor