#1 humor site on the 'net

Birth Control Pill For Men

Better than the alternative

Doctors have just created a new birth control pill for men.
Birth Control Pill For Men thanks to Roy Bishop

I think that's fair. It makes a lot more sense to take the bullets out of the gun than to wear a bulletproof vest.

QuotaBills
The first wealth is health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The cure for grief is motion. - Elbert Hubbard

Medicine is the best medicine. - Doctors Anonymous

Laughter is the best medicine. - the Joe-kster

I think I can wipe out diabetes. - Robert Atkins

Diabetes is a lousy, lousy disease. - Elaine Stritch

I'm so mean, I make medicine sick. - Muhammad Ali

I feel young, but my body doesn't agree. - Bryant Gumbel

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. - George Burns

There is still no cure for the common birthday. - John Glenn

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. - Carl Jung

A little chocolate a day keeps the doctor at bay. - Marcia Carrington

My doctor tells me I got a communications disease. - Archie Bunker

Be strong in body, clean in mind, lofty in ideals. - James Naismith

A room without books is like a body without a soul. - Marcus Tullius Cicero

Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body. - Joseph Addison

As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Health insurance should be a given for every citizen. - Jesse Ventura

The only parts left of my original body are my elbows. - Phyllis Diller

There are life-threatening issues related to diabetes. - Stephen Wallem

The best cure for sea sickness, is to sit under a tree. - Spike Milligan

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. - Groucho Marx

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction. - Steven Wright

There is no physician who can cure the disease of love. - African Proverb

No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself. - Chinese Proverb

Restore a man to his health, his purse lies open to thee. - Robert Burton

A sweating ovary or a sick prostate explains most history. - Martin H. Fischer

I'm never sick. Why get sick? It's a waste of time. - Martha Stewart

A doctor whose breath smells has no right to medical opinion. - Martin H. Fischer

Medicine sometimes snatches away health, sometimes gives it. - Ovid

One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth control. - Rodney Dangerfield

There is no cure for birth and death, save to enjoy the interval. - George Santayana

My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me. - Unknown

I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills. - Groucho Marx

One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife. - Groucho Marx

I have the body of an eighteen-year-old. I keep it in the fridge. - Spike Milligan

There is nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure. - Jack E. Leonard

I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body. - Winston Bennett

NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable. - Mitch Hedberg

There is but one temple in the universe and that is the body of man. - Novalis

Your body is not a temple, it's an amusement park. Enjoy the ride. - Anthony Bourdain

If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs but the push-button finger. - Frank Lloyd Wright

A woman doctor is only good for women's problems - like your groinocology - Archie Bunker

Faith and knowledge lean largely upon each other in the practice of medicine. - Peter Mere Latham

This is a sharp medicine, but it is a physician for all diseases and miseries. - Sir Walter Raleigh

Health is like money - we never have a true idea of its value until we lose it. - Josh Billings

I'm not sick, I'm twisted. Sick makes it sound like there's a cure! - Unknown

A hospital should also have a recovery room adjoining the cashier's office. - Francis O'Walsh

The most effective form of birth control I know is spending the day with my kids. - Jill Bensley

Health care's not about insurance! Health care's about getting treatment. - P.J. O'Rourke

A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs. - Joan Welsh

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. - Jonathan Blake

I recently became a Christian Scientist. It was the only health plan I could afford. - Betsy Salkind

Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents. - Peter Mere Latham

Diabetes is all about insulin levels and sugar levels and what you put in your body. - Jay Cutler

But we have to pass the [health care] bill so that you can find out what's in it. - Nancy Pelosi

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt. - Seneca

One day my mortal body will turn to dust, but the Turkish Republic will stand forever. - Mustafa Kemel Ataturk

The way to deal with the devil of obesity and diabetes is literally one day at a time. - Stephen Furst

We have so many words for states of mind, and so few words for the states of the body. - Jeanne Moreau

Life is not over because you have diabetes. Make the most of what you have, be grateful. - Dale Evans

Happiness is beneficial for the body but it is grief that develops the power of the mind. - Marcel Proust

Our marriage vows: till death do us part, for better for worse, in secrets and in health. - Archie Bunker

The practice of medicine is a thinker's job, the practice of surgery a plumber's. - Martin H. Fischer

To cure the British disease with socialism was like trying to cure leukemia with leeches. - Margaret Thatcher

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman

When once a woman has given you her heart, you can never get rid of the rest of her body. - John Vanbrugh

Having insurance doesn't guarantee good health outcomes, but it is a critical factor. - Irwin Redlener

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx

Physiology is the stepchild of medicine. That is why Cinderella often turns out the queen. - Martin H. Fischer

Coaching doesn't make sick people well - it helps healthy people become extra-ordinary. - Thomas Leonard

We don't come to Canada for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves. - Prince Philip

There must be quite a few things a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them. - Sylvia Plath

Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records. - Unknown

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient, whilst Mother Nature takes care of the cure. - Voltaire

Diabetes occurs at twice the rate in the African American community as it does in white Americans. - Xavier Becerra

Medicine, the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence. - James Bryce

What can be added to the happiness of man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience? - Adam Smith

Tattoos have a power and magic all their own. They decorate the body but they also enhance the soul. - Michelle Delio

I love being married. I was single for a long time, and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. - Brian Kiley

I blinked and I cured my brain. That's how. Everybody has the power. Can't is the cancer of happen. - Charlie Sheen

An angel is a spiritual creature created by God without a body for the service of Christendom and the church. - Leo Rosten

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster. - Joe E. Lewis

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies. - WC Fields

Being diagnosed with diabetes can be a very scary thing, and it can easily make your life stand still for a moment. - Charlie Kimball

Following his doctor's orders, Nikita (Khrushchev) has cut his drinking in half. He's leaving out the water. - Bob Hope

Sea spaghetti looks like dark fettuccine and has a similar texture - you can get it in health food stores or online. - Yotam Ottolenghi

The doctor may also learn more about the illness from the way the patient tells the story than from the story itself. - James B. Herrick

One of the greatest things about the sport of surfing is that you need only three things: your body, a surfboard, and a wave. - Naima Green

Only one rule in medical ethics need concern you: that action on your part which best conserves the interest of your patient. - Martin H. Fischer

Trying to manage diabetes is hard because if you don't, there are consequences you'll have to deal with later in life. - Bryan Adams

You end up as you deserve. In old age you must put up with the face, the friends, the health, and the children you have earned. - Fay Weldon

I've got a great doctor. He gave a guy six months to live. They couldn't pay his bill so he gave him another six months. - Henny Youngman

Let no one suppose that the words doctor and patient can disguise from the parties the fact that they are employer and employee. - George Bernard Shaw

Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul. - John Muir

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away. - George Carlin

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright

When enough people care about autism or diabetes or global warming, it helps everyone, even if only a tiny fraction actively participate. - Seth Godin

Getting wrapped up in worries is bad for your body and spirit. That's when you must short out your logic circuits and reboot your heart. - Pokemon

I do not love to work out, but if I stick to exercising every day and put the right things in my mouth, then my diabetes just stays in check. - Halle Berry


OCD Guy

World's Tallest Bus

Long Liquor Store

Happy Wood Pig

On Top Of Things

Anail Retention

Bat Flight

The No Brainer

Truck Bender

Bacon Balls

Fast Closure

Ukrainian Feast

1934 Modern Home

Fliptus

Copper Tubing Specialist

Bach Off Van

Boss Resume

Canadian Gun Shop

Hogwart's Other Bridge

Excalibutter

As The World Turns

Bird Condo

Legal Assistance For All

Chinese Law School