#1 humor site on the 'net

Only In Texas

They do things differently in Texas

Only In Texas thanks to Karl Schneider

Only In Texas thanks to Karl Schneider

QuotaBills
Texas is as odd as it is vast. - Henry Rollins

Horse ovaries (hors d'oeuvres) - Archie Bunker

You can always tell a Texan, but not much. - Unknown

Lend a horse, and you may have back his skin. - English Proverb

The speed of a runaway horse counts for nothing. - Jean Cocteau

I never saw anything funnier than Texas politics. - Molly Ivins

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse! - Groucho Marx

Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse. - Groucho Marx

I had the best buffalo horse that ever made a track. - Buffalo Bill

The police must obey the law while enforcing the law. - Earl Warren

This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother. - Ted Walsh

You don't have to have been a horse to be a jockey. - Arigo Saachi

In plain Texas talk, it's 'do the right thing'. - Ross Perot

Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight, and bull-strong. - Unknown

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him float. - Unknown

Don't worry about the horse being blind, just load the wagon. - John Madden

The wagon rests in winter, the sleigh in summer, the horse never. - Yiddish Proverb

Texas is now a cornerstone of the electoral college for Republicans. - Ed Gillespie

All music is folk music. I ain't never heard no horse sing a song. - Louis Armstrong

It's too late to close the stable door after the horse has bolted. - French Proverb

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans. - George Carlin

A horse doesn't care how much you know until it knows how much you care. - Tom Smith

News events are like Texas weather. If you don't like it, wait a minute. - Jessica Savitch

You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't. - Jeff Foxworthy

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? - George Carlin

The landscape of Texas is in all my work. It's that light; it's that sky. - Robert Wilson

Texas has yet to learn submission to any oppression, come from what source it may. - Sam Houston

How can you look at the Texas legislature and still believe in intelligent design? - Kinky Friedman

You've got to concentrate on one idea. You can't ride a horse with two asses. - Joe Segal

I thought I knew Texas pretty well, but I had no notion of its size until I campaigned it. - Ann Richards

One of the worst things that can happen in life is to win a bet on a horse at an early age. - Danny McGoorty

Some folks look at me and see a certain swagger, which in Texas is called 'walking.' - George W. Bush

There's only two people in your life you should lie to... the police and your girlfriend. - Jack Nicholson

The definition of insanity in Texas is so insane that it's impossible to be insane in Texas. - Malcolm McDowell

I'm from Texas, and one of the reasons I like Texas is because there's no one in control. - Willie Nelson

It is not best that we should all think alike; it is differences of opinion that make horse races. - Mark Twain

Good thing we've still got politics in Texas - finest form of free entertainment ever invented. - Molly Ivins

When I make a vow to God, then I would suggest to you that's even stronger than a handshake in Texas. - Rick Perry

A fly, Sir, may sting a stately horse and make him wince; but, one is but an insect, and the other is a horse still. - Samuel Johnson

You can imagine me as a kid growing up in redneck Texas with ballet shoes, tucking the violin under my arm. I had to fight my way up. - Patrick Swayze


Original Play Station

Haunted Pancakes

No Neck

Five Pound Note

Selena Stopmez

AirHeads

Redneck Power Windows

Race Break

Mirror Fence

Look Both Ways

No-iPhone Kids

Dog Haircut

Loose Lips Sink Ships

Donkey Refill

Self Portrait for Squirrels

Coin Stacking

Hooking Penalty

Zebra Bus Stop

Best Friend Theft

Chewie, We're Home

Police Rides

Bird Smoker

Hot Mexican Deals

Coffin Escape