#1 humor site on the 'net

Why Women Don't Let Men Bathe Kids

A man's 'Clean House' policy

Why Women Don't Let Men Bathe Kids thanks to Karen Moore

QuotaBills
Refuse to sink. - Kristi Welch

Baby lying in the bassinoot. - Archie Bunker

Keep a clean kitchen - dine out. - Unknown

A bambiraptor is a savage baby dear. - Alan Davies

I love shark week, all kids swim for free. - Josh Stern

I had to sink my yacht to make the guests go home. - F Scott Fitzgerald

He who would eat in Spain must bring his kitchen along. - German saying

If you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. - Harry S Truman

I never feel so much myself as when I'm in a hot bath. - Sylvia Plath

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. - Phyllis Diller

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio. - Rodney Dangerfield

Silence is golden unless you have kids. Then silence is just suspicious. - Unknown

Short of screaming-hot Thai food, everything can be suitable for kids too. - Guy Fieri

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson

I threw the kitchen sink at him, but he went to the bathroom and got his tub. - Andy Roddick

I went to a haunted house, looked under the kitchen table, and found spirit gum. - Steven Wright

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby. - Natalie Wood

The most effective form of birth control I know is spending the day with my kids. - Jill Bensley

I can see you in the kitchen bending over a hot stove, and I can't see the stove. - Groucho Marx

Hopefully, kids realize you can do anything you want. Skateboarding can be that gateway. - Ryan Sheckler

Hiring someone to write your autobiography is like hiring someone to take a bath for you. - Mae West

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like. - Phyllis Diller

There must be quite a few things a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them. - Sylvia Plath

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be in my bath, and she'd come in and sink my boats. - Woody Allen

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves. - Rodney Dangerfield

It's not uncommon to see kids on the school bus reading books and doing homework on the bus. - Anthony Amero

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer

I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning. - Phyllis Diller

Field hockey is my strongest sport, and if I lose a game, I take a long, hot bath and moan about it. - Emma Watson

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. - Jim Gaffigan

I'm going to smile, and my smile will sink down into your pupils, and heaven knows what it will become. - Jean-Paul Sartre

I never used to like babies. I'd always thought if a baby were more like a chimpanzee, I'd have one. - Candice Bergen

Sensitive love letters are my specialty: "Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You. P.S. I'm gay." - Homer Simpson

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. - Erma Bombeck

Of course motivation is not permanent. But then, neither is bathing; but it is something you should do on a regular basis. - Zig Ziglar

There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the bogeyman or Michael Jackson. - Bart Simpson

No one ever wants to see his or her name linked to anything bad. Conscience is like a baby. It has to go to sleep before you can. - Harvey Mackay

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, "If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?" - Steven Wright

Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they'd ever given blood. - Phyllis Diller


Australian Construction Security

India Road Assistance

Cow Walking

Cultural Exchange

Meowzart

Bonus Baby

Strawberry Heart

Water Skiing in Russia

Plumber's Party

Hand Face

Moon Harvest

Reach For The High-Hanging Fruit

CheckMate

Ship Tow

Redneck Turkey Shoot

Costco Wine

Downer Parking

Baconurkey

Camel Herders of the 21st Century

Redneck Palm Pilot

Turkey Day Selfie

Spool Turkey

Meal Alert

Turkey Not