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Hole In One

A turtle's target practice on the golf course

Hole In One thanks to Stan Kay

QuotaBills
I'm a golfer, not an athlete. - Lee Westwood

Golf is a puzzle without an answer. - Gary Player

Forget your opponents; always play against par. - Sam Snead

I am putting real plums into an imaginary cake. - Mary McCarthy

Golf is an easy game, it's just hard to play. - Unknown

Golf is not so much a sport as an insult to lawns. - Unknown

If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. - Dean Martin

Real golfers don't miss putts, they get robbed. - Unknown

If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out. - Paul Gallico

The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. - H G Wells

If it weren't for golf, I'd probably be a caddie today. - George Archer

You are absolutely free to describe me as a turtle or something. - Paul Giamatti

When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. - Unknown

A lie travels round the world while truth is putting her boots on. - French proverb

I got a new set of golf clubs for my husband. Best trade I ever made. - Unknown

Behold the turtle. He only makes progress when he sticks his neck out. - James Bryant Conant

Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. - Paul Harvey

I don't need to know where the green is. Where is the golf course? - Babe Ruth

How has retirement affected my golf game? A lot more people beat me now. - Dwight D Eisenhower

They call it golf because all of the other four-letter names were taken. - Ray Floyd

One advantage of golf over bowling is that you never lose a bowling ball. - Don Carter

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill. - George Burns

If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. - Jack Lemmon

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. - Miles Kington

I do know the American gentleman, God forgive me for putting two such words together. - Charles Dickens

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. - Groucho Marx

Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel. - Leonardo da Vinci

Sometimes the game of golf is just too difficult to endure with a golf club in your hands. - Bobby Jones

I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone's golf game. It's called an eraser. - Arnold Palmer

A good lie will have traveled half way around the world while the truth is putting on her boots. - Mark Twain

The reason your golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so that you can't see him laughing. - Phyllis Diller

The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf. - Bertrand Russell

Give me my golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep my golf clubs and the fresh air. - Jack Benny

Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf. - Unknown

Golf is like a love affair: If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart. - Arthur Daley

Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill designed for the purpose. - Winston Churchill

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. - Norm Crosby

It is often wonderful how putting down on paper a clear statement of a case helps one to see, not perhaps the way out, but the way in. - Arthur Christopher Benson

If Obama resigns from office NOW, thereby doing a great service to the country, I will give him free lifetime golf at any one of my courses. - Donald Trump

I don't know him very well... I've played him at golf and beat him badly both times, and I think that probably had a negative impact on him. - Donald Trump


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