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Future Corrections Officer

Where playground security takes bottom priority

Future Corrections Officer thanks to Martin Grosse

QuotaBills
I love shark week, all kids swim for free. - Josh Stern

The height of cleverness is to conceal it. - Duc de la Rochefoucauld

Just pray for a tough hide and a tender heart. - Ruth Graham

Don't hide your scars. They make who you are. - Frank Sinatra

Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare. - Ed Asner

Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place. - Zora Neale Hurston

The police must obey the law while enforcing the law. - Earl Warren

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. - Albert Einstein

Kids are life's only guaranteed bona fide upside surprise. - Jack Nicholson

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. - Rodney Dangerfield

We've had bad luck with our kids - they've all grown up. - Christopher Morley

Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist. - George Carlin

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth. - Phyllis Diller

The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any. - Fred Astaire

Oh my God! Space aliens! Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer Simpson

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? - George Carlin

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. - Phyllis Diller

This is good news... If the Persians hide the sun, we shall do battle in the shade. - Herodotus

My wife and I have a tradition of popcorn and videos with our kids on Friday evenings. - Ozwald Boateng

If we would listen to our kids, we'd discover that they are largely self-explanatory. - Robert Brault

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like. - Phyllis Diller

Statistics are like bikinis. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital. - Aaron Levenstein

I want to have a bunch of kids so I can open a factory and have free labor. Beat that, China! - Jarod Kintz

I do like to read in bed, but because I have two kids I'm often forced to read in the bathroom. - Eoin Colfer

No matter how long we've been together Edith, you still, as the kids say, "turn me over." - Archie Bunker

Every boy needs a role model that he can be proud of and talk about to the other kids in the playground. - Athol Fugard

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller

Here lies my past.
Good-bye I have kissed it;
Thank you, kids.
I wouldn’t have missed it. - Ogden Nash

It used to take me all vacation to grow a new hide in place of the one they flogged off me during school term. - Mark Twain

I love to go to a movie, get a Diet Coke and a barrel of popcorn, and sit there with my kids and watch a film. - William Shatner

My life was going to flash before my eyes, but it decided to hide behind my eyes and quake with terror instead. - Sarah Rees Brennan

I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair. - Jarod Kintz

For all of the fights I have had in my life, both on and off the ice, I have only been in the back of a cop car once. - Tie Domi

When I was a kid, one cop could have taken care of the whole neighborhood. Now, one cop wouldn't be safe in the neighborhood. - Mike Royko

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawn mower, snowblower and vacuum cleaner. - Ben Bergor

I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to hell? - Homer Simpson

If you want your kids to listen to you, don't yell at them. Whisper. Make them lean in. My kids taught me that. I do it with adults now. - Mario Batali

Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they'd ever given blood. - Phyllis Diller

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath and hope we've set aside enough money for our kids' therapy. - Michelle Pfeiffer


Grand Prix Roller Blades

Son Shine

BachScratcher

Under Control

Straightjacket Fashion

Husband Parking

Why Stand In Line?

Weight Watchers Bus

Bread Pitt

Redneck Hayride

How To Reduce Complaints at Work

Corset Bound

Bike Trike

Pizza Air's Inaugural Delivery

Tomato IV

Mega Samurai Sudoku Puzzles

Mechanic's Work Table

Alzheimer's Wing

I Don't Have Mushroom

Texas Peace Sign

Letting Your Hair Down

Eagle Makeup

Everything Is OK

Knot Art